2014 in Review

Just two weeks ago in Pakistan, 145 children and teachers were lost. More than five-times the number of victims of the tragic Newtown shooting in 2012.

Global tragedies in recent weeks have reminded me, yet again, that we are living in a time of uncertainty. Even when we think that everything is in our control, the unpredictability of world politics affect our lives. Wherever we are, safety is often only a contrived illusion.

We are surrounded not only by our own uncertainty, but also by the one that reaches us from all over the globe. We are connected to the Grand Uncertainty of our world. When children get killed in Peshawar, I go to my sons and hold them tight. In that moment I am acutely aware of their presence, of the fragility of life, of the terror of losing them, and the inability to imagine the crater in me were something to happen to them. When we lose a child, it shocks the entire family system, in space and in time. It has ripple effects to the entire community and it becomes etched in our memory, a trauma that will be transmitted across generations.

Here is a little morbid exercise for you: Imagine that something horrible happened. Think back on the last thing you said to your partner or child, mother, father or friend. Would you feel at peace, or would you be churning in guilt and regret?

Ours is a society where we are constantly urged to speak our mind – expressing ourselves is the societal norm, and sharing our feelings is our birthright. But I would like to suggest that we also censor ourselves, just a bit. It’s equally important that we know what to keep to ourselves and when to find a different outlet. Wholesale sharing is not without a price.

During this time of self evaluation and goal setting, I encourage you to reflect about the relationships in your life. Have you committed a random act of kindness? Has it been beyond your inner circle? Have you made someone feel important and supported? If you haven’t added these things to your end of the year checklist, maybe it’s time to do so.

Take a moment to check in with these three essential human qualities below. Personally and on an interpersonal level, how are you doing in each of these departments?

DECENCY — Graciousness, civility, correctness, and morality.
COMPASSION — Empathy, kindness, concern, care, and emotional intelligence.
PRESENCE — The ability to be open to your interior life as well as available to others, receptive, in the moment, focused, and attentive.

In a time when we can feel so easily disposable, friendless, and unfriended, remind someone in your life that they have significance. Connect with the people who are important to you.

I leave you with a little piece of wisdom from my colleague Tony Robbins: The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships. I couldn’t agree more.

Wishing you a compassionate 2015,

Esther

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