Camel's Toe and Angst…All Before 9 a.m.!
Okay, so today I'm meant to be food shopping, but it only took one glance out the window this morning, and I thought, quite honestly, eff that. It's one of those days where it's raining AND there's a gusty, bugger of a wind blowing. This is not good. The one day I decide to do my hair "properly"—you know, hair straighteners, a bit of hairspray (yeah, I'm stuck in the eighties)—it's going to get messed up.
"Oh, well," I said to myself and proceeded to put on my exercise attire (see THIS post for more information as to why the general term "jogging bottoms" has been referred to in such a manner). I realised, once I pulled them up and it appeared my feet should really be asking the hems to join them for afternoon tea, that I'd SHRUNK my bottoms in the dryer. Not only was I now wearing ankle swingers, I had the dreaded camel's toe (or is it foot? I always get that wrong).
So, with the shortage of time, I told myself that wearing the bottoms on my hips was a good idea. The toe would be eradicated, and because they were worn on the hips, I could tell myself I was trendy and feel all manner of fabulousness because of it.
Off we go, out into that bastard weather. Bear in mind I have an umbrella in one hand and a heavy book bag, lunch bag, keys, and a sports water bottle in the other. Actually, I held the bottle by sticking my finger through this small plastic loop on the lid. It's cold out there, and my finger started going numb…
While walking to the main road, highly conscious that I might well have an animal's foot in place of my lady garden, trying to battle the winds with an umbrella that kept turning inside out—to the point the fabric was ripped off one of the metal prong ends—I spotted a double decker bus. Just in time, I told Smallest to "Get back! Quick!" before the bus trundled past and sploshed water all over us. Catastrophe averted, we then waited for what seemed the world and his wife to pass us in their cars, and I'll confess I muttered an exasperated For fuck's SAKE! We crossed the road and found that despite the weather, people were dawdling. Right. So I'm fighting with my umbrella, Smallest is trying and failing to ride her bike to school for any significant stretch of path, and all the while I'm thinking: Camel's toe. Camel's toe. Camel's toe…
By the time we reached the school, my finger—you remember me mentioning that?—resembled a frozen pretzel and I had a bit of trouble getting it out of the plastic loop. A particularly feisty gust of wind decided to batter my hair-do to death and rip yet another bit of my umbrella off a prong, and amazingly, I was still smiling!
I managed to get home in one piece, but I'm telling you, I don't relish going back out there this afternoon to pick Smallest up. Straight after school ends I have a parents' evening appointment, so won't get home until after four, but hey, I have the next six hours to myself. Peace. No stress. So, I'm off to write for a bit then mess about on Photoshop.
Whatever you're doing, have a great day, and watch out for shrinking exercise attire and camel's toes!
