Just For Fun

Spud Art

As I noted a few posts back in relation to Heather, I take a certain whimsical pleasure in imagining my readers’ lives as I see fit. I mean, why the heck not? Because are they not doing much the same with me? Therefore, it seems only fair that I level the playing field. Without further ado, I introduce:

BeeHappee

BeeHappee is in her late 30’s. She lives on the outskirts of Detroit and has four young children. Her husband words in sanitation and she has an office job, something clerical, without much oversight (how else could she leave as many comments as she does?). She likes hard cheese, black coffee, and lavendar-scented hand soap. She doesn’t stay at hotels often, but when she does, she always cleans out the bathroom supplies, albeit somewhat guiltily. She’s a big fan of Cat Stevens and Van Morrison. She smokes two cigarettes per day, something unfiltered. Camel’s, probably. One in the morning, before the kids are awake, and one in the evening, after they’ve gone to bed.

BeeHappee has overcome adversity, that much is clear. At some point in her late-20’s she made a conscious decision not to succumb to depression. Since then, she has, for the most part, managed to, well, be happy. It is not always easy, but it beats the alternative.

I admire this about her.

Jeff Bird

Jeff has worked hard his entire life and has done well for himself. He is a generous man who believes strongly in his religious faith, his family, and American exceptionalism. He drives a Ford F-Series pickup, but not one of those wimpy half-tons. For Jeff, it’s a F350 Lariat with duallies and a Powerstroke, although like most who bought one of Ford’s recent diesels, Jeff regrets the decision and will probably get a Chevy next time ’round, even though GM accepted the government bailout. He is 52 years old and in good health. He does not smoke or drink, although he does very much enjoy barbecued spare ribs and has a weakness for the strawberry shakes at Burger King.

Jeff often disagrees with what he reads here and is not always sure what draws him to this site. He hopes it is just curiosity, but he occasionally worries that it is something deeper than that, a small crack in his worldview, a slight distorting of his vision. This is sort of exciting but also a little scary.

Eumaeus 

E is 41 years of age. His sleep is often interrupted by vivid dreams involving prehistoric birds of prey.

Ncfarmchick

Nc has blond hair that just brushes her shoulders. When she wants to feel especially pretty, or when she’s feeling blue, she braids her hair into pigtails and ties ribbons around the braids. She has two young girls who adore her. Her husband is in the Navy and is away at sea for long periods of time. This is difficult, but their relationship is strong and they do ok. She keeps chickens and has a milk goat named Bella. She would like to be farming full time, but her husband’s job makes this difficult. She is currently teaching her older daughter (Ida) how to milk Bella. In the evenings, Nc gathers her daughters around her and reads Little House on the Prairie while drinking chamomile tea with goat milk and honey.

She finds tremendous contentment in the commonplace nature of her days.

Dirk

Dirk is a gentle man with a cushy state job. He is about 50 and does not try to hide his expanding bald spot. He has no children and does not want them. He is married to a sweet woman whose name begins with L. He has a strange affinity for 70’s-era punk music – The Clash, Iggy Pop, Velvet Underground, and so on. He drinks regularly, but rarely to excess. On the rare occasions he does drink too much, he finds himself worrying about his future (this explains why he rarely drinks too much). He is six-feet, one-inch tall and weighs 194-pounds. This is closer to 200-pounds than he would like, so he has started to pay closer attention to his diet.

Dirk loves being outdoors. He particularly likes to ride his bicycle and ski. He is not a natural athlete, but through dogged persistence has gotten pretty good at both cycling and skiing. His parents live next door to him. They drive him a little crazy, but his easy-going nature allows him to absorb and deflect their mild senility with enviable grace.

If anyone feels left out, I’m taking requests!