O the Canadity!

Okay, guys, I'm leaving for Canada!  This blog will be totally unattended for, like, three days.  I'm putting a lot of responsibility in your hands by leaving you alone, but I trust you to handle it.

If you get in trouble, Mark Newton's blog is just down the street, so go there if you have an emergency.

If Joe Abercrombie comes a-callin', don't invite him in.  He can only come in if you invite him.  He may try to tempt you with toys and candy, but don't fall for it.  His teddy bears are stuffed with sin and his lollipops taste of lies.

And don't even think about throwing a wild party with the intent of becoming popular with the other bloggers that backfires and you ruin the blog with a bunch of zany antics that may or may not include stealing a zebra from the zoo and have to fix it before I get back and you use a lot of montages to do shit like brushing a heap of trash under the rug and then the hot girl you invited is tapping her foot and looking at you like "what do you think you're doing there, pal" and you thought she was stuck-up but it turns out she's actually pretty gentle and sweet and you get closer to one another and maybe learn a little bit about yourselves and then I get home and I'm like "well, I guess you did a good job but-WHAT IS THIS?" and you're all "oh my god," and then I surprise you with an unexpected twist by going "you guys made cookies!" and the movie ends with you writing "and it was the best summer ever" in your diary.

Because if you do that.

I will grind you into sausages.

'kay, bye bye for now!