I Want Your Thoughts (No really, I Do.)
Have you ever written something that you are really excited about, that you love with a capital L, and that you know others will love if only they'd get a chance to read it, BUT you're pretty sure no publisher would touch it? No? Well folks, I'm in a bit of a predicament because I've done such a thing. I wrote this story called The Legend of Jackson Murphy in late 2009, early 2010. Over the past year I've tinkered with it. Changed the POV about three times, rewrote scenes, added some, took some away, modified dialogue, played about with the setting and now I'm on the final rewrite before I deem it either done or garbage.
Yes, I said garbage. Not literally throwing it out or deleting it, but setting in permanently aside to gather dust with the lonely Happiness Hills. I'm actually asking myself why I'm working so hard at this thing when I'm fairly certain it will never see a bookshelf unless I self publish it. And we know that I won't do that.
It's not the writing, because I can write and rewrite until this sucker shines. I know that. And it's funny. Of course, you need a sense of humor or that doesn't matter. My concern is the POV character. Jackson Murphy. You see, Jack is disgusting and vile and awesome. He is the guy you love to hate. He doesn't care about anyone but Jack and Jack's money. He loves sex, hates his wife, and is ambivalent about his three children. Can you see a publisher taking a chance on a protagonist who is unlikable? I'm still on the fence about that one. That's why I will probably polish this and then...I don't really know what then. To change him ruins the story. I know, you've heard that a million times. But, I've had this to readers twice and both times, the readers would agree (I think) that to change him makes the whole story pointless. The story IS Jack's assholeness. In fact I love that he is so scummy.
You don't know what I'm talking about so I'll share a little more about it. Here's the premise for The Legend of Jackson Murphy:
What would you do if you could 'eliminate' your problems without paying the consequences? Jackson Murphy is a successful contractor, with a nice house and a nice family and a wicked mistress. He has everything a guy could want, but he has learned that everyone else wants it too. Well, Jack doesn't share, and he'll do anything to make sure that what is his, remains his. Jack's going to get away with murder, even if it kills him.
So it's kind of suckish as a blurb, but I haven't quite made it to synopsis tweaking stage or even a query stage. I'm just sort of sitting on it.
Here's a scene, and it's graphic. Lot's of swearing and well, if you're easily offended, go read a different blog. This one isn't for you.
A million thoughts running through his head added together to confuse his plans for the meeting with Asshole Thorne. Jack pushed the door open--jackass James didn't lock a damn thing--and tossed his keys at the hook. They clattered to the floor.
"Fuck it." Jack rounded the corner and skidded to a halt, his brain unable to believe what his eyes said they were seeing. If there was one thing he could have gone his whole life without seeing, this would have been it. James had made a friend, and he was fucking her on Jack's kitchen counter.
Not sure what to do, Jack stood at the table wishing someone would gouge his eyes out of his head and bleach the memory from his brain. He stared for a full minute, rage bubbling to a boil in his gut.
Who nailed some chick he barely knew on someone else's counter top?
What the fuck? Nasty. That's what.
Now Jack would have to rip the damn thing out and fumigate or something. The girl looked as though she crawled out from under a bridge somewhere. Her hair had that skunky look, dark underneath with blond on the top layer. Why did women think that was even remotely attractive? It was just plain weird, that's what it was. Weird and tacky. Trailer trash hair.
Jack tilted his head, she leaned a little on the fat side of chubby too, and he could tell since her fat ass was plopped atop his counter. All dimply and scarred, it jiggled every time she moved…or every time James pounded her. Ugh. Jack vomited a little in his mouth.
Swallowing it back, he strode to the counter. James had his back to him, completely oblivious to his audience. Jack reached with his left hand and picked up the pan from the stove, raised it over his shoulder and cracked James in the back of the head. The skunk screamed and tried to cover her sagging breasts while James swore, grabbing his head as he jumped away from her. His erection couldn't sustain the blow. Jack almost laughed.
"What are you doing, you fucking idiot?" Jack asked.
"Jesus Jack, why do you always have to go there? You can't just say excuse me? You gotta fucking hit me? With a frying pan? Shit, you are mental."
Okay, so one scene. It's just been rewritten from first to third so yeah. I see the bumpy parts. Let's imagine it's edited, yet again.
Here's my question; How do you know when a manuscript is just not worth the effort anymore? Does that ever happen? Has it happened to you?
And just in case you think I'm getting soft and all whiny and crying over a single story and doubting myself or any bullshit like that, I'm not. Jeesh, I love what I write. I love this manuscript. I'm just trying to be realistic and I think that perhaps I've played with Jack too long. I've lost my objectivity in judging his worth either way. I don't think I'd see crap if it were crappy and I also don't think I'd see gold if there were any in there. Know what I mean?
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Makes total sense Joe, and he does have a few good points. Hmm. But are they enough? I guess that's the question.
About 25 years ago I wrote a mob novel. The ultimate bad guy in the book had no good charcteristics. So I had him go to Church one a week and anonymously put hundreds of ill-gained dollars in the poor box. That was the best I could do.It wasn't enough.
Maybe if Jack was more a rascal, but redeemable might help.
Animal lover??
Something like that.
He does have a soft spot for his youngest child. There is a scene that's actually quite sweet between them. So, maybe he's not as totally unlikable as I first thought.
As is, I think Jack Murphy has a chance. Certainly a unique story.I hope at least that you'll give it publishers the opportunity to decide for themselves. You never know when someone will see the potential.
Thanks Rita. I think perhaps I'll send the miserable bugger out and see what happens. I need to rewrite once more, just to iron out the kinks, but you're right, I shouldn't write off the possibility without trying.
Hi, Renee.
In my humble opinion, Jack sounds like he wants everything, to own what he takes a fancy to - selfish. "I want it, I own it, my business, my family, friend; everything can be bought for a price, or conned. It doesn't matter how you get to possess something, as long as you do."
The kitchen scene is good, but if he's as bad as you say - would he not call the girl a slut or such and threaten her with the frying pan?
I think the frying pan injects a comedy element (which I personally don't agree with, maybe something like the kitchen knife that he stabs the othe guys arm with then threaten the slut?
Need to go.
In my humble opinion, Jack sounds like he wants everything, to own what he takes a fancy to - selfish. "I want it, I own it, my business, my family, friend; everything can be bought for a price, or conned. It doesn't matter how you get to possess something, as long as you do."
The kitchen scene is good, but if he's as bad as you say - would he not call the girl a slut or such and threaten her with the frying pan?
I think the frying pan injects a comedy element (which I personally don't agree with, maybe something like the kitchen knife that he stabs the othe guys arm with then threaten the slut?
Need to go.
Andy, if it were horror, then a knife would totally be the way to go. But it's dark humor. Silly man. He does call her a slut, later in the scene. Actually, I think he calls her a skank too and tells her to 'get the fuck' out of his house.
Rene, you have to write with your gut. You created the charcher. You know how he thinks and feels and should act. You can always change it later in a re-write, but in my experience, your first gut feeling is the right way to go.
Thanks Joe. That's how I usually work, and I have a good feeling about Jack. I'm also realistic though, which makes me realize that just because I really like a character doesn't mean everyone else will. I can hope though, right.
Ahh, sorry. I'm writing Soul Trader, one for Short Shocks II. My head is full of blood, guts and other yucky stuff. OK, I'm back to reality.
Skank and slut? Sounds good to me.
If it's dark humor, could he not use a cucumber to whack the guy on the head then threaten the slut with it?
:)
I'd like to know what else Jack gets up to, if he doesn't care about anyone but himself. Sounds like you could "go to town" with Jack.
What if someone was trying to take his daughter away? I don't think he'd react too well. Could we see the other side of Jack?
Do you feel the story's missing a little bite, or are you just looking for a common thread to weave throughout?
I do agree with Joe, the gut instinct is always good. I also know if something about your work is bugging you, it will only escalate and you'll kick yourself when it's published. that's when you say "Oh no, that's what was wrong with it"
I may spraff kaka sometimes, but we're only here for the beer and help, help, help.
Catcha's later. (the dead bodies are boiling now)
Mmmwaaaaaaa
Skank and slut? Sounds good to me.
If it's dark humor, could he not use a cucumber to whack the guy on the head then threaten the slut with it?
:)
I'd like to know what else Jack gets up to, if he doesn't care about anyone but himself. Sounds like you could "go to town" with Jack.
What if someone was trying to take his daughter away? I don't think he'd react too well. Could we see the other side of Jack?
Do you feel the story's missing a little bite, or are you just looking for a common thread to weave throughout?
I do agree with Joe, the gut instinct is always good. I also know if something about your work is bugging you, it will only escalate and you'll kick yourself when it's published. that's when you say "Oh no, that's what was wrong with it"
I may spraff kaka sometimes, but we're only here for the beer and help, help, help.
Catcha's later. (the dead bodies are boiling now)
Mmmwaaaaaaa
Oh Andy, I missed you. Nice to have you back. Ease up on the beer though, you got kinda mixed up there at the end. Actually, nothing bothers me about the story. I love this manusript. Every single detail. I love Jack. What bothers me is that recently a lot has been mentioned about likable characters and I worry that although Jack does have what I consider to be likable qualities, it's not enough for the average reader. Perhaps the problem is that I didn't write this story for readers at all. Most of my stories are written with a reader in mind. I want them to enjoy the ride, not just stand there stunned. With Jack, I didn't do that. It was purely a self indulgent write. Ooh, there it is. My mother's guilt thing at work again. It's like how could something so selfish be a good thing?
Renee - I think that whenever you are satisfied and have polished your draft into something you are proud to have written, you should query agents with it. Maybe you won't get any bites. Maybe it won't ever sell. But you'll never know until you try. Don't give up on it out of fear, you know? Rejection blows, but if you don't query this, then you're the one rejecting it yourself.
Oh, and P.S. I meant to include smiley faces and stuff so you'd know that I was being supportive instead of all stern. I won't edit; just pretend like they're there, okay? :-)
I knew you weren't being all stern. But the smiley is nice. I'm glad I still got one. And it's very unlike me to doubt something that I've written. I need to stop reading agent blogs. That's what. They just make me question everything. Damn them and their mind control tactics.Just kidding. But seriously, I started wondering about Jack after reading over and over again how nasty unlikable characters, no matter how funny, didn't sell. I'll polish him up, put him in a nice suit and give him a bottle of wine and some chocolate to make him appear sweet and charming, then I'll send him out into an unsuspecting world.
I've missed you too.
you are the author, the one with talent. wouldn't we all be retired authors, if publishers wrote and published their own work only? You have the gift and imagination publishers look for, the least they can do is to inform you of the public buying trends and what should be reworked?
Your name is on the copyright, not the publisher.
I say let your creativeness decide. Submit and be dammed:)
Surley the story is written in your "normal" voice? If so, I say leave it alone and let the publisher have input.
smiley, smiley - cheesy grin, chuckle, chuckle.
OK, I'll shut up and go away now.
Oh no, look at the time and I've done nothiing yet.
Hi Mindi :-)
you are the author, the one with talent. wouldn't we all be retired authors, if publishers wrote and published their own work only? You have the gift and imagination publishers look for, the least they can do is to inform you of the public buying trends and what should be reworked?
Your name is on the copyright, not the publisher.
I say let your creativeness decide. Submit and be dammed:)
Surley the story is written in your "normal" voice? If so, I say leave it alone and let the publisher have input.
smiley, smiley - cheesy grin, chuckle, chuckle.
OK, I'll shut up and go away now.
Oh no, look at the time and I've done nothiing yet.
Hi Mindi :-)
But can the comedy. I did it myself years ago, and it just doesn't work with a bad guy, unless he has some good points, which I don't think Jack has.
Or you oculd make him a lovable killer, like Larry Block made Bernie Rhodenbar a lovable thief in his Burglar series.
But a totally one-way person does not make a good protagonist in a novel. Either he's good, with bad points, or bad with good points.
Does that make any sense??