My Shadow
This broken smile, this bloodied teardrop, this evaporating breathe I waste away into, this silence, this thought screaming with demons, this curtain of gloom, this question hanging from the ceiling, this second melting further and further away from my grasp, this history I write, this line I try loudly to understand, this camouflage I wear, this neck deeply smothered, this wish drifting into fantasy, this song repeating itself in my life-grave, this scene from a memory, this wind piercing me with Reality, this night standing guard over me, this sun turning its back on me, this root making space for my limbs to be buried in, this mud making statues of my wounds, this bruise how sick and tired of healing that now it’s forgotten to heal, this apology lost in the unknown, this background of silently moving images, this place filling with weeds of my misery, this room suffocating me within, this mystery mirroring me, this clash and bang inside my head, this want falling to tethers underground, this reason running and running and running so very very far away, this clenched fist dripping red on the lines, this waste of a dump called soul leaving me, this heat soaring and burning my coldness from the inside out, this bravery being defeated from the army of Gloom and breaking into pieces, this darkness that lurks how comforting and soothing, this lake running over my dry lands of grace, this basket filled with roses of Death, this pain I rule over, this thorn I bear inside my heart, this fear I don’t yet perceive, this word I search for, this color I choke on, this day I exist in, this road I lose myself upon, this book I tear myself in, this drawing I fake, this idea I blacken, this sound I eat, this hurt I hide, this gloom I dance with, this dissatisfaction I’m imprisoned in, this helplessness I fall into, this dark and deadly abyss holding me, this mess I’ve made to follow, this legacy I erase, this sign I paint with my noise, this rope I weakly cling to, this answer lurking never to be seen, this wisdom washed away, this love gone dry, this shadow I hug, this memory I stay in, this vein becoming black, this arm losing its strenght, this world oh so lost, this feeling so emty, this bone all ash and dust, this root destroyed and bloodied, this laughter so hollow, this cry so deafeningly silent, this dizziness I bear my teeth to, prayer unfelt, this image black and blue, this sky reflecting the death of ground that’s me, this dream so gripping, this sanity so useless, this hand so longing, this demon in my mind staring from the dark corner silently, this secret spilling red on my concrete, this life so wasted and unwanted – it is not theirs nor yours nor ours nor mine.
It is but of the shadow that is me.
Filed under: Amateur, depression Tagged: amateur, depression
