I have a cold

It's the first I've had in some years, and I am not enjoying it.  Rivers of snot are flowing out of my head, a problem that makes work and concentration difficult.  My brain feels like it's running at a quarter normal speed, the snot somehow interfering with my thought processes.  I can force myself to full speed through intense focus and the application of a large amount of Coke Zero, but having to do that sucks.

I recognize that as problems go, this is a mild one, but I would still prefer not to have it.

I did not order this cold.  I do not want it.  Whoever gave it to me, please take it back.