man snaps in slim gym

December 11, 2014

In Hinckley, England for the day. Last time I was here I sat in a dry sauna in the men’s locker room at a friend’s gym. There was a small window that allowed me to see the whole empty locker room. Two beefed-out bros on roids (zit backs, accessible veins, abducted necks, etc.) blasted into the locker room and aggressively paced around without aim, carrying on in a congratulatory manner about how awesomely they had just gotten their pump on. It was like watching two 9-year-old boys get amped about how they had destroyed the imaginary enemy in a war they invented. Somewhere toward the end of all the muscly affirmations, the one raging bull shouts to the other with conviction, “This is what it takes to be a god!”

Any reaction I had been building toward was stunned out of my body. I felt like I had just witnessed a murder and that if they discovered me sitting in the sauna hearing the private zealous bonding I would surely be consumed for gains. I am thankful I have lived to tell the tale so that future generations might read this and know what it truly takes to rule (basically, get super thick).