Erotic Advent by K.B Mallion

Erotic Advent (2)


 For crimbo


I bought a silky pair of knicks


Pillar box red


Just like my Revlon lips


Feeling festive


I am out for Christmas Eve


Father Xmas?


Nah…I’m not one to believe


Upon my bed


I laid out the clothes


I shall wear


Then I heard bells


I did not know from where


From my window


I look up on my roof


That is when I see


A lot of tiny hooves


I am thinking


‘What in holy shit?’


Ho Ho Ho


The voice of St. Nick


Is this a joke?


Am I on ‘You’ve Been Framed’?


I better be good


Not swear or misbehave


I turn around


On my bed is a surprise


A little box


I cannot believe my eager eyes


A little note


‘I am sorry, but I’ve swapped…


You can have these


For I liked yours a lot’


I open the box


Taking out what is inside


My disdain


I honestly cannot hide


The biggest pair


Of Y fronts you have ever seen


I cannot wear them


God knows where they have bloody been


I rush to my window


I shout up to my roof


‘Hey St. Nick’


Stop being a bloody goof’


All I see


Is my red, silky knicks


His arse squeezed into them


I actually feel sick


Why why why?


What a rotten thing to do?


St. Nick


That is exactly why I don’t believe in you


 


Tinsel Tits


 


I’m going to bring the festivities on with glee


Behave without an inch of dignity


I’m going to sing and stand on a chair


With bauble earrings and glitter in my hair


I’m going to drink an awful amount of Spiced rum


More than likely, spend a lot of time on my bum


I want to eat a load of yummy scrummy chocs


Sprouts with bacon bits, nice, give me the trots


I want to play games with the kids on the Wii


Kick everyone’s ass at ten pin bowling…yippee!


Wearing my saucy Santa suit is always a hit


To add a bit of bling, I put tinsel on my tits


Dancing stupidly around in my kitchen


Like I said, dignity and inhibition, I’m ditching


Making silly home movies, to cringe at later


My Glo’shire accent, will say hi, just you wait errr!


I will proudly embarrass my kids with festive flair


From my 19 year old, I’ll no doubt get a deadly stare


I want to sing xmas songs and Auld Lang Syne


Probably make up my own words due to mulled wine


There will be the xmas spirit within the air


Not just because of the candles burning everywhere


I’m going to pop party poppers and make a big mess


Spray silly string EVERYWHERE and not get stressed


I want me and my family to have a damn good time


You may get to hear all about it with another rhyme!


2014 © K.B Mallion


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Published on December 12, 2014 02:00
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