Not To Mention The Marmosets

Of course, the mandolin was not involved. After a certain age, some erotic practices no longer reach the peaks of satisfaction and satiation they once did. Anyway, by not bothering with the mandolin or the wellies, means that we save over a fiver a week on butter alone.

Not to mention the marmosets.

So we won��t.

Not mentioning the marmosets that is, not the butter and the other savings from the dairy aisle such frugality assures. Nowadays, she no longer needs quite so much mango and peach yogurt in the wellies either.

Of course, it saves quite a sum on the laundry bill too, not having to wash the yogurt stains out of the sheets or the straightjacket for that matter.

Obviously, the straightjacket is only for those occasions when she needs her ��special sexy music�� to get her in the mood. After several year of sexual experimentation, we have discovered that the aforementioned form of restraint fulfils our erotic needs. The straightjacket is the only form of restraint that enables me to stay in the same room as Barry Manilow until she achieves the necessary level of satiation.

Obviously, not the real Barry Manilow.

There comes a point when even a besotted fan �� like the good lady herself �� realize that the object of her desires does not reciprocate her passions. Nor is he going to respond to her invitations to join in one of our ��special games��. Anyway, his security staff have been on full alert since her last bungled kidnap attempt. Therefore, she has now resigned herself to just using her favorite album tracks, in lieu of the man himself.

No doubt, this is much to his relief�� and that of the marmosets, of course. The marmoset does have few natural predators this far from its natural habitat, of course. But having a marmoset driven out of its tiny mind while trying to escape the ��music�� has its problems. It has almost caused several road accidents as the poor creatures flee for their lives, or �� at least �� try to get out of earshot.

But, as I said, it is probably better not to mention the marmosets.

Especially since what happened to that last investigator from the animal welfare charity when he came to investigate the sounds of what he called ��severe marmoset distress��. No doubt caused by the volume of the alleged music. Unfortunately, he was not aware that the good lady herself doesn��t like being interrupted in the midst of her passion.

Of course, I would have helped her bury his body, but of course, the whole point of the straightjacket is that it makes the use of the arms impossible.

Furthermore, wearing a straightjacket does also have a rather deleterious effect on the balance. When she returned to the bedroom to continue our tryst, she immediately began the album from the first track again. This caused me to flee across the room in order to escape the music whilst I was still straightjacketed and thus unbalanced. We have since discovered that yogurt stains on the straightjacket are not as difficult to remove as are the traces of squashed marmoset.

Which is, of course, why it is probably best not to mention the marmoset.

May it rest in peace.