A Creative’s Guide to Surviving the Winter Months Without Completely Spiralling into that Dark Place that None of Us Want to Talk About

I write about my mental health sometimes. Sometimes I think it’s helpful. But I wanted to write something actually-on-purpose helpful. With the caveat that sometimes none of these things work, because my brain (and maybe yours) is an asshole. And, you know, that’s when you have to just hang in there. Especially when the holidays look kind of like this to you:

But…just hanging in there isn’t fun, and waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel is exhausting. I’ve been working on this post for a while, and have been sort of hesitant to pull the trigger, so to speak. But after a few conversations with more than one art-y write-y friend struggling in recent weeks, I figure it’s about time. I’m a hot mess, too, but I thought I’d share some of my tactics. You know, tricks for keeping the hot mess under control. Or at least manageable.

1. LET YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS KNOW WHAT’S UP

This is crucial. You don’t have to tell all of Facebook or send a mass text. But let your people — the people you’d call if you needed to bury a body had a flat tire or needed good advice — know a) what your mental health concerns are, b) what medications you take (in case of emergency), and c) that you might need to call in a favor or two. All you might end up needing is a hug and a chat. Or you might accidentally have one too many glasses of wine and need a friend to keep an eye on you. (Personally, I avoid drinking almost altogether because even a moderate amount of alcohol + most psych meds = ambulance ride.)  Or you might need someone to talk you down from a panic attack, or to sit with you through a rough afternoon. The important part here, no matter what emergency you might have, is that you have someone to call who knows what you’re going through. That’s super, super important.

2. STAY EFFING BUSY.

I can’t emphasize this enough. It’s a slow time for work for a lot of us — in publishing, folks are on vacation. In more traditional office jobs, people are slowing down because it’s the end of the year. Retail and customer service gigs are another story altogether, but if you’re spending most of your time at home or on the job looking at Facebook and feeling like everyone else is doing stuff and you’re not doing stuff and thinking you should be doing stuff and getting negative about it, well, it’s not very productive or healthy. This is a good time to work on those hobbies. Or to write that novel that you know will never sell but, damnit, you just really want to try it out. To bake or to phone a friend and take a trip to a tourist trap just outside of town. Live-blog while marathoning a cult show that you’ve never seen before. SOMETHING. Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in between, you want to make sure you’re doing something other than staring at the wall. Which I know can be hard sometimes. I spent most of Sunday staring at the wall. It happens. Having stuff to do, though, can help keep those wall-staring moments to a minimum.

3. CREATE!

This is perhaps a little (a lot) close to the above tip, but, hey, specificity. You should make stuff. Even when you don’t feel like it, do a project. Not even necessarily a project for your “main” creative outlet. If you’re a writer, bake! If you’re a baker, paint! If you’re a painter, write!  Or, you could use the downtime to work on a project that you NEED to work on. Give yourself deadlines, if it helps. Feeling productive is HUGE when you’re not doing very well.

4. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.

Look, ignoring the pain/loneliness/panic/anxiety/depression/rage isn’t going to make it go away. And maybe you can’t express those feelings in your art, and maybe you can’t always talk about it with your loved ones. But you can’t feel bad about having those feelings. They’re not your fault. They just ARE. So feel them. It’s okay. Cry it out. Hug it out. Sleep it off. Whatever works. Just take care of yourself WHILE you’re feeling those feelings.

5. IT’S OKAY TO STAY HOME

As much as I advocate being busy during these times, you also don’t necessarily have to always be social. Some of us feel better when we go hang out with a huge group of people. Some of us are totally stressed out by it. You know yourself. Do you feel better when you get out of the house, even when you didn’t really want to? Then, yeah, you should probably go to the holiday party. Have you been to way too many events lately and come home feeling totally drained and depressed? Then, yeah, you should probably skip it this time. Your friends will understand. And anyone who doesn’t understand isn’t worth worrying about, I promise.

6. HAVE A GO-TO FEEL-GOOD THING AT THE READY

Here are some of my feel-good things: Prince. The Sandlot. MacGuyver. Scrubs. Taylor Swift.  Old Louis Sachar books. Cards Against Humanity. Red lipstick. …You get the idea. Whatever things you have in your life that always make you feel good, have those things ready to go for bad days. They might not make everything better, but they’ll take the edge off.

7. GET DRESSED EVERY DAY AS IF YOU’RE GOING TO SEE FRIENDS OR GO TO WORK.

This one is super important for those of us who work from home/don’t have “day jobs.” It’s so easy to stay in your pajamas when you’re depressed and don’t have anywhere to be. Maybe you even skip showering for longer than you should. No makeup, no pants, no rules. Guess what? Rules are WAY helpful when it comes to depression. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll feel worse. So, if you would normally put on a full face of makeup to go see your friends, then put on a full face of makeup before you sit down to check your email in the morning. You have to remember that you’re WORTH getting dressed, putting on your favorite earrings, and dabbing on a bit of lipgloss. You’re WORTH taking regular showers and putting on your favorite shirt, even if you might not see anyone today who isn’t the UPS guy. Show yourself that you care about yourself. It helps, I promise.

8. GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Again, this is a big one for work-at-home types. And this isn’t about social engagements, which, as I mentioned above, you have to keep an eye on depending on whether they make you feel better or worse. But if your routine consists mostly of you being at home during the day, you should try changing it up. Go to a coffee shop (especially if you can walk there — fresh air, yay!) and read or bring your laptop or just sit there and enjoy a cup of whatever makes you happy. Go for a walk and jam to some awesome music while you’re doing it (I recommend Prince). Run an errand you’ve been putting off. Changing locations isn’t just good for your depressive/anxious/asshole brain, it’s also good for your creative juju. Kind of like how you ALWAYS get ideas in the shower. (Make sure you bring a notebook when you leave the house, obviously.)

9. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP

Remember in #1 when I told you how you should tell your people that you’ve got bipolar/depression/anxiety/other? You have to remember that you told those friends because you trust them and they care about you. They will care enough about you that when you call them at 4 a.m. losing your mind that they won’t get mad. They will care enough about you that if you need some company because you feel like you just shouldn’t be alone tonight that they will come over or, if they can’t, they’ll help you find someone who will. Your loved ones LOVE you and that’s why you told them about your issues. Reach out. It’s so important.

10. REMEMBER THAT THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS.

I’m 32 years old. I was diagnosed when I was 18, and before that had been seeing doctors for a few years, trying to figure out why I was sick and what it was. So I have the advantage of experience here. I’ve been through a lot of really bad periods. I’ve downward spiralled. I’ve panicked. I’ve broken. I’ve healed. And as traumatic as it is, in that moment, I’ve learned one thing: I can sit it out. It sucks so much, but there is a light at the end of the scary, scary tunnel. I am stronger than my depression and I am stronger than my panic attacks. And I have to remember that every single time because it is SCARY. But, eventually — it may be hours or it may be days — it passes. Things level out. I feel okay. And you have to trust this, too. Of course, if you don’t feel like you can trust this, and if you don’t feel like you can wait it out, call for help. Please.

11. SPRING IS COMING!

Mental health issues don’t go away when the sun comes out, but it certainly makes it easier on a lot of us. So don’t forget that. This isn’t Game of Thrones. Winter doesn’t last for years. So give yourself a hug, from me. You’ve got this, friends!