Talking Kink ‘n Seduction: Looking into Service Tops

 

Spank me. Bite my neck. Lick me until I cum. Harder. Fuck me raw.

What do these words have in common?

Every one of them is a command.

Every command is to have another perform an action upon the speaker.

The speaker is a Dom; a Dominant Bottom to be precise.

The listener is a Service Top.

 

Every scene has two physical sides, the Top (the person performing actions) and the Bottom (the one being performed on.) The Scene also has a mental dynamic of the Dom (the one in control, making demands) and the sub (the one at the mercy and whim of the Dom.) Oftentimes people confuse these dynamics, or use Top/Dom and Bottom/Sub interchangeably which can lead to a lot of confusion. Many don’t understand the multitude of desires that intertwine to create our individual statuses and labels, and that is why we are here to help.

 

This was part of a question we received in our inbox, to explain what a Service Top is and does. Quite simply, a Service Top does as they are told by their Dominant Bottom (Not to be confused with a power bottom… that’s not a bdsm term.) What I mean is, if you know you like being spanked, or bound, or used sexually then you know half the information you need. Beyond that you need to know if you can/desire to give up control.

 

 

 

Do you want to be spanked, but only a certain way and only when you choose? Odds are you are more of a Dom(me) than you realize. Does your partner wait for your cue before doing these things? They may be less Dominant than they realize. Don’t misunderstand, if your relationship dynamic works for you, it WORKS. Period. This is simply to help define and illuminate the murkier areas of our language.

 

 

 

I’ve met many people who considered themselves “bratty subs,” but it was quite clear to everyone around who ‘wore the pants,’ in their dynamic, and it was not the purported “dom” that held the sequined leash. A large part of the world has growing interest, but little understanding of our Lifestyle thanks to many (and often poorly written) fictional publications. I’ve met several women who think a girl has to be labeled a submissive, has to bottom, and gets to do whatever the hell she wants without repercussions. This is quite contradictory!

 

I have also on several occasions been asked some variation of, “I am a sub. How do I get my partner to be my Dom and meet my needs?” And the simple answer is, YOU DON’T! As a sub, you must communicate your needs, but simply teaching your partner how you want to be hit/used creates a service top (which can substitute for a Dom in a pinch, but not long term) and not an actual Dominant. You would first need to discuss with your partner and determine if they are a dominant person. If so, find out THEIR needs too, then discuss how to fulfill both your needs simultaneously.

 

I think I will stop right here for now, as it leads into next week’s topic: Gender roles in BDSM.

~Baby Boy

 

 

Recently Anonymous asked: A guy contacted me through my facebook account claiming to be a Dom and telling me  I need to be his submissive.  I know I want to be a sub, but I am a little worried. What should I do?

There is but one answer when it comes to online creeps. Block them and walk away. Don’t engage in conversation, don’t be coy or think you can placidly send them away. Do not argue with them. Simply block them. Cyber Creeps have always been combing the social networks, claiming to be the ultimate Dom for the naive subbie who is just venturing out into kink world. If something about them makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, step away. The heart can fool you with what it yearns for, the mind can override trying to be practical, but your gut will never lie to you. So always go with your gut. You’re a subbie not a fool. It’s a vulnerable time for newbie subs and yes, even for Newbie Doms, too. You heard me right. Just because someone calls themselves a sub or approaches you claiming to be curious and wants you to teach them as their Dom, does not mean they can’t be a predator. Online connecting is a dangerous playground so venture cautiously. ~Growling Guru

If you have a question please feel free to post it below or send to:  growling.guru@gmail.com. (Your name will not be shared)