How to look cute for Christmas

Looking cute is important, especially if you want someone to take you home.

This time of year, EVERYONE wants you to take them home

…and wrap ‘em up in festive paper and bows.

Sounds fun, right?

After extensive research at my local Costco, I found the secret.

The key to winning someone’s heart is BIG eyes.

The bigger the eyes, the better.

If you don’t want to spend Christmas morning alone,

make your eyes BIG…bigger than your cheeks, if possible.

I certainly don’t want to spend Xmas alone.

I want Santa to take me home, but my current appearance won’t work.

Thanks to a little plastic surgery,

I’ve increased my chances of a merry Christmas…

Ho Ho…Holy cow I look amazing!

or…

Ho Ho…Horrifying?