The Rules

I’ve been working with a couple of writers over the past few weeks, trying impart a mere fraction of the delicate genius that flows unimpeded from the soaring heavens on the gilded wings of harp-strumming angels, where it illuminates the darkened caverns of my mind, before finally emerging through the manicured tips of my silk-gloved fingers (which I wear because they match my silk writing robe, of course), interrupted only by my yelling for Penny to bring me another cappuccino.

I’m joking, of course: I despise cappuccino.

Anyhow. The whole process of sharing what little I know about this clunky craft has me thinking about how few rules there really are to good writing. And because I’m feeling extra-generous, I figured I might’s well just share them here. To make things especially clear, I’m even sharing which of these rules must actually be obeyed.

1: The closer you can come to not explicitly saying what you want people to hear, the more likely it is that they’ll hear what you want them to hear. (This is true except when it’s not)

2: It is almost always better to say less. (This is true except when it’s not)

3: 90% of being a good writer is being curious and then paying attention to your curiosities. Sorry, that’s wrong: It’s actually 98%. (This is always true)

4: Half of the other 2% is not giving a shit what anyone else thinks of your work. (This is always true)

5: The other half of the other 2% is actually writing. (This is always true)

6: If there could be more than 100% to being a good writer, the remaining percentage would be comprised of reading. (This is always true, unless you’re reading crap)

7: Despite what I’ve just written, there are essentially no rules at all, because rules can always be broken. In fact, sometimes the best writing is made with broken rules. (This is true except when it’s not)

There. That clears things up nicely, doesn’t it?