3 Reasons You Should Write a Good Query Letter and Not Kill People

You've accomplished the impossible! You've written a book! Before you start to organize the parade, book the dancing girls (or men), and invite everyone you've ever met to join in your excitement, there's still that tricky little issue of getting your book published.

I'm going to ignore the 'self-publishing' route here, and not because I don't think it's a valid way to publish (it absolutely is, as long as you have the marketing chops for it), because I want to focus on the 'I have a dream' bit. The bit that most people are striving for: to be published by a publishing company.

For the past 2 years I've been working for Curiosity Quills Press (the epic indie rock stars of the publishing world), first as an acquisitions editor, then the acquisitions manager and, since April 2014, VP of Operations. Every year we receive hundreds of queries. HUNDREDS! I can't begin to express to you the importance of writing a good query letter so I wanted to write this helpful little guide to explain why. (Bonus material! Also included are useful tips as to why you shouldn't kill people)
Reason #1 Why You Should Write a Good Query Letter: Publishers Actually Read Them!
Most publishers will read every single query letter that comes through their door/web portal/inbox. Publishers want to find gold! Half-assing your query letter to include only your story pitch will undoubtedly leave an acquisitions editor wondering who the author is, what they've done in the past, and what's so special about this android meets a dog, fights ghosts, and falls in love with blonde girl next door, steampunk fantasy.  Reason #1 Why You Shouldn't Kill People
You'll make a terrible mess of the carpet. Reason #2 Why You Should Write a Good Query Letter: First Impressions Matter
Query letters are your calling card and, especially if you're a first time author, your first impression on your prospective publisher. Don't stutter and then spill proverbial wine all over them. Missing commas, spelling errors, and a stunning over-use of UPPERCASE WORDS FOR EMPHASIS, will have anyone screaming expletives.
Reason #2 Why You Shouldn't Kill People
Your new roommate will be friendly. Very friendly.
 Reason #3 Why You Should Write a Good Query Letter: You Wrote an Awesome Book
If you're willing to put the 6 months+ into writing a novel, don't ruin your chances of showing it to the masses just because you hate writing query letters. Writing a synopsis and a query letter are essential to you getting published so your query-writing kung-fu needs to be strong! Workshop your query, get people to read it and get their opinions. Polish, sharpen, and test the hell out of it! 
Reason #3 Why You Shouldn't Kill People
Because you'd be a murderer you idiot! Why do you need a guide to tell you this?! Sure, you'd get lots of writing done in prison...not to mention the free publicity that would result in amazing book sales... waiiittt a minute.... DISCLAIMER FOR THOSE INEVITABLE, HIGHLY SENSITIVE, AND POLITICALLY CORRECT PEOPLE
In no way do I support murder or think it's a good idea. It's used here as humorous side notes designed to calm down future published authors who are panicking about having to write query letters. If you find this sort of humor offensive, you'll likely hate my books and should never read anything I write. On a related note, chill the eff out :)

Looking for a great Christmas-themed gift? 


Check out Death, the Devil, and the Goldfish! Yes, I know it doesn't sound Christmassy, but there are well over a hundred evil robotic Christmas elves featured throughout....