It's Difficult Not Knowing

“Don’t you ever get the feeling that all your LIFE is going by and you’re NOT taking advantage of it?”
-Chapter 2 of THE SUN ALSO RISES
by Ernest Hemingway

November 29, 1988

I’m still ‘marching on’ with the ELITE MODELING classes in San Francisco after my regular Pacific Bell workday.   A splash of water on one’s face helps to erase the 8:30-5pm stretch at Pac Bell.   I found a few photos that I’d taken of myself for potential modeling consideration which actually got me accepted at the ELITE MODEL CENTER.   I laughed at my choices versus the professional shots that were recently done.   Who is to say which a better photo is?   I wonder.

I received another classic postcard dated November 26, 1988 from Paloma.    I loved the postcard.   It depicted a woman who was happy, perhaps scorned and feeling empty.   The red lips, red colored fingernails and red rose made the image pop—but the tear running down one of her eyes could not be ignored.  Paloma wrote:

le 26/11/88
Hello Michael,
It is YOUR TURN to write me!  I’m not writing this card with no reason—I need your help, see I read the American Cosmo and I found this coupon, and I guess you understand I want it.   This sample is a very rare one over here.  I WANT IT!  I’m sure they won’t send it to France, so that’s why I need you.   Could you please fill in the coupon with your name and address, send it and then just send me the sample once you get it.   THANK YOU – THANK YOU.

I’m sending you some money for the dollar they’re asking of you but I want to send this letter really fast and I don’t have American money, banks are closed today (Saturday).   So here is some French money, I hope you can change it, if no…I’ll send you some American money later.   This way we’ll also find out if you get the money. There is something else I want to ask you.   This offer is limited to one per customer.  Do you think if I get another coupon you could also do it with another home (like have it sent at your mom’s address or anywhere else)?   I’m not sure I’ll be able to get another one though.   This was in the October Cosmo.   We’ll see…

Besides that, how are you?   I am waiting for your letter!   That’s why I’m sending you this card.   It’s just the way I feel. Pretty soon you won’t believe your eyes.   Remember I told you I’m working again.   Well, in fact, I’m back in school (a special school) where they pay me.   That’s why I call it work.   I’m learning about office automation (I think that’s the right way to say it in English).   Pretty soon you won’t even be able to tell if I’m French.  I hope you didn’t think it was going to take years.   It’s fun.   Well, I’ll write again soon.   I want to send this letter really fast.   So I hope to read you soon.

Thank you for the perfume sample.  Love, Paloma And so…I laughed at her line “It’s just the way I feel.”   Somehow I can’t believe she’s shedding a tear because she hasn’t received a recent letter from me.   I took care of that today using a cool card of a Merry-Go-Round horse that made me think of our Santa Cruz amusement park day:

November 29, 1988
Dear Paloma,
Your tastes in postcards are provocative (as usual)!   If I had my way you’d be a major designer of some sort.   It’s a shame our talents go so un-noticed…but one day…who knows?

I meant to get some Polaroid film because I wanted to snap shots of ‘3’ paintings I’ve done—that I know you’ll recognize.  Next time… …for now, I want to send this new and improved tape (compared to the last one I sent) of my favorite tunes.  I think you’ll love many of them.   They are all very, very much my favorite tunes.   Enjoy.

It’s difficult NOT knowing my biological daughter who is out there somewhere…but alas my four nieces must be somewhat comparable.  They’re dolls.   And besides…one day I’ll probably have my own…maybe in the 90s?   It’s not easy finding and/or running into the “one” you want to spend the rest of your days with and have kids.   We’ll see. I asked a perfume sales girl at I. MAGNIN in San Francisco about samples you mentioned but she knew of no clubs.   I won’t give up.  Have you heard about CHER’s new perfume called UNINHIBITED?   She was at MACY’s in San Francisco on 11-25-88 to promote the perfume.   I’ll check around next time I run around that department.   I’ll probably be around there with Christmas around the corner.   Time sure does fly.   And yes…on 10-31-88 I thought of you.   I went to the I-BEAM with my friend ‘Jim from the Gym’ and his girlfriend, Chris, to see MINISTRY (the group that sings EVERY NIGHT IS HALLOWEEN.   All of their other songs were horrible.   I didn’t have a very good time…but seeing costumes was fun.   I didn’t even dress up because Jim and Jena didn’t.   OH CORRECTION…Chris didn’t go with us.  Jena, this girl Jim knows from Denver was visiting and she went with us.   She wasn’t my type though.  Yuck…and Jim thought I’d like her.   She is a reformed alcoholic, long blond hair (bleached probably)…to much make-up used to hide her zits.  Okay body…but she was ‘just ok’, I guess.

I am still taking classes at ELITE MODEL CENTER.   I took my B&W headshots and I had a color shoot last Saturday.   I wore my brown leather jacket I bought in Paris (remember that?).   I’ve kept it in good condition.   Next Saturday, December 3rd, will be my tenth week at ELITE MODEL CENTER.   I will then be on the Centers’ Placement list and may go out to test for actual work and begin a portfolio ‘as they call it’.   ELITE CENTER is NOT an agency but they provide placement service for the models.   Once a year (usually August) a major event occurs where agents come from LA, NY, PARIS, MILAN, TOKYO, etc. to check-out everybody.   So in August 1989 of next year I will be there for this grand fashion show and possibly be selected by an agent or two (if all goes well).   Then I’ll be off to PARIS.  Ha-ha…nice try.   I haven’t got any photos yet but I do plan to order some.   I will send you some. I’m sick of my day job, so I won’t discuss it.   I’ve been at it for two years now and while there have been many changes I am sick of the whole PAC BELL organization.  Again, upon ten years (12-8-89) I may decide to dump them.   There’s more to life than stretching 30 or 40 years in once company.   I don’t want to be included in that statistic.

…Let’s see…what else is going on.   I met a gal named Christine last Wednesday night.   She goes to UC DAVIS though.  She’s part German, Irish and Chinese…interesting combo!   I met her at CITY NIGHTS, the old ECHO BEACH club in San Francisco.   Oh well…show Jonathan the Merry-Go-Round horse.   I thought he’d like it. Later Love,  Michael J Armijo

“LIFE is not always what we think it will be.”“It’s NOT over.”-as heard while watching the 2009 film starring Jared Leto called MR. NOBODY