No NaNoWriMo 2014 for Me

Despite my best intentions and the illustrious goals I set for myself in January, not only did I not manage to write a novel as part of my 50k challenge this month, I didn’t write a single damn word for NaNoWriMo. I didn’t even try.

No, I’m not going to get into a defensive whine-off. There’s lots of fuel for that fire but I will spare everyone.

I’m still a member of a couple of NaNo groups and it’s been both fun and frustrating seeing all of the participants’ comments about their progress and roadblocks. I know Kate’s been working hard, although she isn’t rubbing her numbers in my face. Which I appreciate.

I was thinking about it all today as I tried to figure out what the heck I was going to post about. Then I got to chatting with a lady I work with today about people who face adversity –and people in general. Cheesy as it sounds, when life knocks you down you have two options available to you no matter what: sit and wallow or stand and figure a way around the problem and do what you want.

I like to think I am a person who stands and figures. Sure, I’ll have my sit and wallow moment but it’s not in my nature to not get back up at some point. The thing is, getting back up requires discipline. And I have let my discipline slide in a big way over the past year and half.

For six years I lived under a mountain of pressure and didn’t bat an eye. There were nights my reserve broke, where I wanted to pull my hair out, scream at the sky, and say f$%k it all; I had my little moment and got over it. I went back to work and got things done. And I was BUSY.

Now? For the past year and a half I’ve basically been lazy. Like, painfully lazy. I didn’t think I was, I thought I was just adjusting to major changes (I’ve mentioned more than once that I am horrific with change) and learning to balance new things.

No.

I’ve been building up a wall of excuses preventing me from doing all the things I want to do. I’ve been busier, more tired, sicker in my life and still balanced it all. I need to find that core of myself capable of jumping hurdles while juggling and bring it back to the forefront.

Funny how thinking of little things like NaNo and blog posts and chatting while the snow flies outside can create such self-reflection. I will say that even though I didn’t get any words written this month I did have a new trilogy brainstorm!

The big question is: how is everyone doing with their NaNo goals with this Sunday deadline?!

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