Dear Ghost, You’re beautiful.

I wasn’t expecting this, but strangely, my network was full. I quickly started my internet and clicked on whatsapp, she was online. Yes! The first thought came in my mind, with whom she was chatting? But then, was it to matter me? She would chat to anyone but not me. She hates me! I don’t know why but it was always difficult for me not to talk to her. However, I didn’t ping her that night, like always since a month, we had an argument last night and she called me a loser. It was now hurting my self respect but the truth was that I still loved her the same because she is the most amazing girl I know, she is my Shona!

Her thoughts hit my mind like a tsunami and pushed me to depression once again. I stretched myself on the bed thinking of the old days. She used to call me after her Mum slept. I don’t know whether her Mum was still awake or not but she would not call that was for sure but I was still waiting. I missed her badly. I searched for the anti-depression tablets but then realized I forgot to bring them. I cursed myself in despair, I couldn’t sleep without them. I had my laptop but it was full filled with horror movies, grudge, mirror, paranormal activity and even Virana. Moreover, I had heard many stories of this place being haunted. Though my dad said these are all tricks of my Uncle to keep people away from the mansion but the negative thoughts gave chills down my body.

I felt scared there alone in that big mansion but something was stopping me to run away. I wasn’t there for some holiday. I was there to die. Yes! I wanted to commit suicide. I didn’t want to live anymore. My life had been big mess since few months and I just wanted to end my all miseries. So, I was there to die anyway but was scared of some ghost. You see, it actually felt awkward to be killed by a ghost. How it be? Painful? Scary? Awful? Or maybe I just didn’t want to be known as killed-by-ghost rather I wanted to be the one- killed-by-love.

I searched in google for the most painless way to die but even google didn’t have an appropriate answer. Anyways, after experiencing death who comes back to write a blog about the feeling? Ghost? Well, I think they just have two things to do, add in members to their club and scaring people around for fun, may be. And actually if they really exist, where were they? I wondered.

‘C’mon! Kill me.’ I yelled at the top of my voice, I was already going high after finishing up a half bottle of RC, neat!  And I after that I exactly don’t remember what happened. When I woke up, half sleep, it was around 3 a.m. just few hours and it would be beginning of another day, I would have survived another day of my wretched life. I was moaning loudly as I tried to get a flashback of the old good memories but it only gave me pain since they were not to return ever again. You see, I could live with her absence but not with her hatred and she hated me with the core of her heart even more than I loved her.

I pulled the bed sheet and rolled to make it a rope. I pushed the bed aside and put a stool below the fan. I stood on the stool and threw the bed sheet over the blades of the fan and pulled down to tie a tight knot. It had been quite stormy day but wind was blowing even more furiously at that moment, the doors and windows were constantly shattering as if asking me to stop. When living people didn’t care about my existence then why these non living things were bothered.

I had made the noose and just when I was about to slip my head in, the power cut off. There was complete darkness but still I could see things visibly. I felt that things were getting quite dramatized. I better do it quickly; I thought and put the noose around my neck.

‘Stop!’ There was this loud voice.

I tried to see who it was but then, it was completely dark. She seemed a young girl; she walked towards me and stood near the stool.

‘Who’re you?’ I demanded.

‘Just come down from there before you hurt yourself.’

‘I asked first, who are you?’

‘Fine! I’ll tell you. If you come down.’

Was her identity that important? Yet I was convinced to come down to know it.

‘What you think you were doing?’ She said.

‘Dear lady, I was exactly doing what you’re thinking?’

‘But why? Are you mad?’

‘Excuse me! That’s none of your business! You didn’t answer me who you’re and what you’re doing in my property?’

‘You seriously don’t know who I am?’ She laughed.

‘Was that question funny?’

‘Yeah! Of course! I guessed you had locked all the doors and gates yet you see me here at this odd time in a stormy night.’

‘Hmm… That’s strange! How you made it?’

‘Could you be so stupid? Haven’t you heard about the Ghost of the Manor?’ She turned away.

‘Yeah!’ I nodded.

‘I am that.’

‘What?’

‘I am the Ghost of the Manor. Haweli ki Chudail!’

It’s not that I don’t remember anything of that but perhaps, what I saw I exactly couldn’t describe in words. As her line ended there was loud thunder as if she had the control. She had a terrifying giggle as she turned at me again. Her face was glowing in that thunder and those big eyes screamed horror, her long hair fluttered all over, I had seen nothing more scary and needless to say, I fainted instantly.

***

When I woke up in the morning, the sun was already over my head. My brain was pounding with pain, hangover from last night. I felt weak as I gathered myself to rise and then I wondered what I was doing on the floor. I recalled every bit from last and concluded that it must be a nightmare since I was thinking about the ghost at the night but then the bed sheet was still hanging from the fan with a noose hanging from it. The stool was below the fan and the bed was moved. It wasn’t a nightmare; I was freaked out but was even curious too. Was she really Haweli ki Chudail?

I wandered all day in the village to get more information about the Ghost. Many people agreed to her existence few even claimed to have an encounter but the good thing was that nobody was sure whether she had harmed anyone. There weren’t even a proper legend about who was she when she was alive and what she has to do with our family. I had even more questions with me by the evening and the only way to know my answers were to meet her once again. But then what if she didn’t show mercy this time to me? Hey! I would have joined her anyway if she had not stopped me last night. I was game for that night.

I did my preparations, got another bottle of RC, torch and an iron rod, just in case. I had my dinner early and then sat for the drink, waiting for the midnight but by the time midnight arrived, I was fucking dizzy. However, I was determined to meet her and moved around to keep myself awake. She was nowhere. I then screamed her name, she didn’t appear. I abused her and called her coward but still other than my echo there was nothing. So, finally I started to believe that it was some illusion. I finished the rest of the drink and stood at the balcony with a fag.

Our Manor was just two storied but in those days when it was built, the ceilings were at considerable heights and me being on the second floor was at par distance from the ground, so the dark thoughts hit again. I wondered what if I jumped from there, yeah! She was online that night too and had not replied to me. So, in another moment, I just put my foot on the railings of the balcony and was just to climb on it.

‘Hey! Stop! What you’re doing?’

‘Haweli ki Chudail!’ I was excited to see and stayed back.

‘Mind your language!’

‘Whoa! That hurt.’

‘Don’t you know how to talk to a lady?’

‘In that case, I’m sorry.’

‘Aren’t you scared of me?’

‘Why should I be? Because you’re a Ghost? Dear Ghost, you’re very beautiful.’

‘Are you hitting on me?’

‘No not at all. It’s like I’ve seen worse than this, my girlfriend without make-up.’

‘That’s funny.’ She blushed and that was genuine one and not to scare me off.

‘I was kidding. She is damn gorgeous.’ I said.

 ‘Aww! That’s sweet. You seemed to be a nice guy. So, what’s your problem then?’

‘Problem?’

‘You tried to commit suicide twice in two days.’

‘Oh! Things are not going well in life.’

‘Why? You broke up?’

‘Well! Not really. We were never a couple. I loved her she didn’t. I tried my very best to let her understand but she is just adamant on her words. C’mon, am I not good enough to be her guy? Whatever, we were once great friends but since I told her about my feelings, she started to avoid me and then things only worsen, we fought almost every day and she hates me now. She doesn’t even reply to messages.’

She didn’t reply perhaps didn’t even react. She seemed lost in her thoughts.

‘Hello! I’m talking to you.’

‘Oh yeah!’ She said coldly. ‘She doesn’t hate you. You see, opposite of love is not hatred but apathy where in you simply don’t care about the other person and that’s what is the most painful part of love.’

‘Whoa! That’s was really cool. You talk awesome. You see I’ really doubt for you being a ghost.’

‘Why so? Look at you; you don’t seem to be a ghost. I mean Ghosts are scary, have see-through bodies, upended feet and then the power to disappear.’

And boo! She was gone as there was no one ever standing in front of me. Yeah! I fainted again.

***

I woke up in the same state just like the previous day but there were answers to my questions. She wasn’t a human for so sure and being a ghost how could she be so nice. Most importantly, why was she saving me? So, for that I need to wait for another night but then what about the day ahead. Well, we had a big orchard behind our Manor; I thought might be I could spend some time exploring it.

It seemed nobody had stepped in for years inside. It had almost turned into dense jungle. There were wasn’t any pathway, grass had covered everything. Creepers and other plants grew carelessly all over, forgot about snakes, I wouldn’t be surprised if I spotted a tiger over there. With the help of a sickle, I made way in and few yards in, I could see those big Mahogany trees worth a lot. For my dad it would be found treasure.

I walked ahead and found a big banyan tree. It must be 200 years old and its structure was so fascinating that I was kindaenamored by it but as I went nearer to it. Suddenly, there was this wind blowing in full fury, the branches of the trees moved aggressively as if they didn’t like my presence but I didn’t care. Finally, I see a pair of legs hanging from one the branches, upended feet.

‘Ok! I got it. It’s you but I’m not scared.’ I said.

Boo! She was in front of me, she had a see-through body.

‘Great! I accept. You’re the ghost but not the scary one.’

‘Just go away.’ She said.

‘C’mon, I thought we’re friends.’

‘Friends?? Don’t be stupid! I can kill you anytime.’

‘Well, I don’t think so that you wanna kill me.’

‘Just go away, please.’

‘Strange huh! A ghost is scared of a human.’

‘You won’t understand my feelings.’

‘Feelings? Ghost have feelings? Funny?’

‘Just because I don’t have body? Heart is only for pumping blood and brain only to control your senses. Rest everything is done by your soul and that’s what I have now.’

‘Wow! That’s interesting.’

‘That’s fact!’

‘Cool! By the way, I wanna ask how you people do it?’

‘Do what?’

‘I mean these flying, disappearing, see-through, picking of stuff and all.’

‘Just told you about soul. Actually, our body is nothing but a mass of bone and flesh; it’s actually the soul which gives it a life. But then, we are so obsessed with our body that we simply ignore the power of soul. When you die, you lose the body and may be then actually, you know what the real thing is but then having said, I would say is it worth it? I mean you’ve already lost a lot more with your body. You lost your people.’

‘Whoa! You talk great! You would have been made into a great politician if you hadn’t…’

‘I know that! That’s why asking you to scrap this thought of dying.’

‘C’mon, you would rather get a company in me.’

‘Who said I’m alone? There are many like me.’

‘Don’t say you people hang out too.’

‘Yeah! We do. Last summer we went to Hawaii. It was really fun, I tell you.’

‘How? Flight?’

‘No.’ She snapped her fingers. ‘Like this.’

‘So, life is actually fun with you guys.’

‘Dude! You forgot we lost lives long back and it’s that crave to get it back is called Moksha .’

‘But then what if you’ve nothing to do in life.’

‘You climbed the Everest?’

‘No.’

‘So, I gave you one reason to live.’

‘Why you’re so concerned?’

‘Ask a blind what eye is? Ask a beggar what money is? Ask a dead what life is?’

‘Philosophy.’

‘Fact again! Ok! I would say dying for that girl is not worth. What you wanna prove her?’

‘It’s not about proving someone; it’s that I have nothing to live for.’

‘Parents?’

‘They love Bhai more than me.’

‘Ok! Let’s agree that you should die. Do you even have that idea, how much it pains?’

‘I will choose a painless one.’

‘Let me correct, death is the most painful thing you may ever experience.’

‘Don’t scare off. Sleeping pills are harmless.’

‘Who said? You see when have those pills and sleep, at some point you need to wake up and then you’re body is already dead and your soul is trapped inside. That’s kinda saving your body from pain but the soul? Anyway, these days those pills are not that strong at most you’ll go to coma and that’s really bad for your family.’

‘Well! I will jump from a building.’

‘And what if you don’t die? You will lose your legs for sure and will spend rest of your life on a wheel chair.’

‘I will jump in river.’

‘You know swimming?’ She inquired. I nodded. ‘Then it’s not of any use. You will never drown.’

‘I will slit my hands and bleed to death.’

‘It will take 2-4 hours, very painful and slow.’

‘I’ll shoot myself.’

‘Do you have a gun?’

‘No! I will burn myself.’

‘Ask yourself, can you do that?’

‘Fine! I’ll hang myself.’

‘Don’t try that dude, saying from personal experience. May be its very popular but it takes lot of power to break your neck and you wanna be called as the crooked neck after death.’

‘Hey! I know you. You’re Radhika. You hanged yourself from some Banyan tree some 70 years back and I guess this is that Banyan tree.’

‘Hmm.’ she nodded sheepishly. ‘But how do you know?’

‘My grandpa told me, Mr. Rajveer Raichand.’

I could see a delight in her expression as she heard the name.

‘So what’s your story?’

‘He didn’t tell you anything.’

‘Umm…’ I shook my head. ‘Nothing more. He said you hanged yourself a week before his wedding.’

‘Ok! So your all answer is just hidden in those lines.’

‘What?’

‘I hanged myself before his wedding.’

I thought about these lines a bit. ‘Whoa! You loved Grandpa and just because he was marrying someone else…’ I trailed off.

‘Yep! Sadly! I regretted, the moment I pushed the stool, I couldn’t even scream for help. My Baba cried a lot, he loved me a lot but what was more painful was that your Grandpa was never able to know about my feelings. Perhaps, nobody knew about it and my Baba lived his rest of his life with a guilt that I killed myself because he scolded last night for not cooking well. I was just 17 then.’

‘Well… I see, you’re still 17.’

‘Very funny! It had been a long wait since then for my Moksha!’

‘Some unfulfilled wish!’

‘Like what?’

‘I want your Grandpa to know about my feelings that I gave my life in crave of his love.’

‘But he died some 4 years back.’

‘What?’ She was stunned to know that.

‘Yeah!’ I nodded. She floated away from me towards the tree. ‘Hey! What happened?’ I shouted at her.

‘Just go away.’ She said in fit rage and then Boo!

***

Strangely that night, I was not thinking of dying. She had kinda convinced me against it. I felt peace as I lay in my bed lazily. I didn’t drink or smoke even. I was missing Mom, rather her food. I thought to call her but then it was too late. It seemed better for me to doze off; I closed my eyes in peace.

‘Hey!’ I heard a whisper and I opened my eyes, she was right over my chest. Her scary curled hair fell on face, she stared at me through grey eyes, and she had a very unpleasant expression on her face. ‘Don’t kill me! Please!’ I was dead scared.

‘It’s fine! Chill! I am not here to kill you.’

‘Then?’

‘Just trying the scare thing for one last time, I’m going.’

‘Where?’

‘I got Moksha.’

‘But how?’

‘Well! That’s a ghost thing. We don’t share with humans. Just came to say a final good bye.’ She smiled. She was still freaking me out but she sailed towards the window.

‘Wait!’

‘What?’

‘What about me?’

‘What about you?’

‘I mean what I should do about my girl.’

‘Well, if you really love her then wait. She will come to you.’

 ‘What if she never returns?’

‘Well, in that case she is a loser not you. Whatever, I have been seeing in you, I feel you’re seriously a descent guy and if she really doesn’t care then, let her go. You will get better girls. Telling you again, suicide is not a solution, when you can’t love yourself then how can you expect someone else to love you. That’s gross! Go back home and enjoy life.’

‘Is it?’ I asked.

‘Yes! I am getting late. So good bye. Hope to see your grandpa there in heaven if he is there.’

‘Yep!’ I smiled. ‘Hey! By the way, dear ghost, you’re very beautiful.’

‘Thanks.’ She blushed.

Boo!