Wrong Weigh

"I eat my feelings."

The phrase itself is quite common, possibly popularized by Mean Girls or however it is that slang is perpetuated from one coast to the other. In any case, I find it such an odd concept to think about. Is one's eating habits a form of compensation or a reflection of one's current emotional state? There are those who eat because they are stressed out, those who eat because they're bored, and those who eat because they're depressed. Two-thirds of America is overweight, a third of the country is morbidly obese, the economy is down, and the fast-mover shelves at work include Celexa, Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft. We're depressed, unhealthy, and most likely overworked. Are these the feelings that we're "eating"? Fulfilling a craving in the hopes that nourishment to one's body might translate into nourishment to one's soul? Perhaps.

With a perversity that seems to be a mainstay in many areas of my life, I don't "eat my feelings". Quite the opposite, actually. When the negativity referenced above surfaces, my body responds by increasing the sensitivity of my gag reflex and by obliterating my appetite. Even brief moments of hunger are quickly satiated by three hundred calories or less, and further eating prompts involuntary gagging and waves of nausea. While there are those who might stone me for complaining about this, there are consequences to my actions. I now tire from something as simple as washing a window or walking quickly down the hall. Clothing no longer fits properly, making getting dressed rather depressing. Waif-like figures are not attractive, no matter how much the media tells you otherwise - not that anyone can really tell, since I'm cold a great deal of the time and have to bundle up while others are comfortable without wearing three or four layers of clothing indoors. This most recent bout of "don't-wanna-eat-itis" might be classified as a sort of anorexia, albeit one that I most certainly didn't choose; it's simply how my body responds to stress and sleep deprivation, two things that nearly all healthcare practitioners have in common.

Why am I sharing this, you ask? It isn't, as some might suspect, a paltry attempt to brag about my ability not to eat. Rather, it's a plea for recognition of the fact that eating disorders (borderline or otherwise) are not necessarily controllable. Whether it's over- or under-eating, what people need is understanding, support . . . and a sensitive but constant push in the opposite direction. Telling someone "You're too fat/thin - you should eat less/more" won't bring about results. Be a friend and not a modern-day monarch, issuing decrees and expecting absolute compliance. Remember - if it were easy, they probably would have done it by now. People aren't stupid, at least in this respect.

With that, I will climb down from this rickety old soapbox to attempt to eat an adequate meal. Is it socially acceptable to converse with one's stomach? No? Oh well.