Needing Labels
Work at the North Pole this week had become a thousand times busier. With tomorrow being Thanksgiving in the US, the increase of letters to Santa had jumped tenfold. Hue had been distracted since we returned, as Geren was still not home and time was growing short to find the missing artifact. Justin pushed hard for us to agree not to leave until at least the middle of next week and if one of us left the other would need to stay through the weekends to get all the work done.
I walked slowly towards my dorm room, embracing the season. Having grown up in the US, Thanksgiving had always been a real family gathering for me. I had made plans to skype with my parents and brothers tomorrow. They had no clue what I was and I had no intention of shattering their realities. I love my human family and they will always be my family. A pang of guilt struck my heart because I had never really kept anything from my parents.
I pushed open the door to my room and walked to the fireplace and began stacking logs so I could take the chill from the air. I made quick work of it and soon a fire was burning brightly. The crackles and pops of hot embers served as a relaxing background noise as I grabbed my laptop to log online and get some work done. I had a ton of writing to catch up on.
My fingers moved carelessly over the keyboard as I pounded out a romantic scene between my hero and heroine. When I finished the chapter I stopped and stared down at the screen. It took me a few blinks to realize what I had done. I had replaced my hero’s name with Hudraer’s and my heroine’s with mine. “Ugh,” I said, quickly replacing all references of us in type form. Closing my computer I set it gently on the table beside me.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the chair. Images of Hue and I intertwined with each other flashed through my head. The more involved my fantasies became the harder my heart pounded in my chest.
Alizeyah? Hue’s voice brushed across my mind.
Yes? I answered.
Is there a reason you are flashing erotic scenes of the two of us through my mind? I felt myself blush. I had forgotten our mental link and that often times I broadcast feelings when I didn’t mean to. Apparently if I was really excited, it would seem I broadcast images too.
I’m sorry.
There was silence for a moment. When he replied there was a hesitance and unease. It’s alright, but may I ask you something?
My heart beat quickened. Do you desire… me? Are these passing fantasies or something more?
I am attracted to you, you know that. I started to think about my family and some how it turned to thought of you. For a moment I felt what seemed like a swell of hope but he quickly put his emotions back under lock and key.
I see. That’s all he said and then he withdrew. The feeling of him withdrawing from me and blocking me out was always painful. It made my heart ache and left me feeling empty. I waited quietly to see how long he would block me out but when I didn’t sense his return I decided to distract myself with dinner. The only thing that sounded appetizing was a hot cup of tea and some toast. Luckily, I could make that in my room.
I ate quietly and poked at a book I had been reading lately. Nothing seemed to sooth my nerves. Closing my eyes I reached out for Hue. Hudraer?
What felt a great deal like a sigh passed between us. Yes?
I’m sorry.
There was no masking of emotions as they flitted through to me. Confusion followed by concern and then a mild annoyance. Why are you sorry? he asked finally.
I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry I don’t have better control over my mental connection and can’t block my thoughts and feelings very well. I’ll try harder if you stop withdrawing and blocking me out. Every time you do it makes me feel alone and empty inside. My heart aches when you do that.
His annoyance faded away and was replaced by a feeling I wasn’t used to shining so brightly. It was love. Pure and innocent, undemanding love. I withdraw because I don’t want to overwhelm you with my feelings. I don’t want you to see the fantasies that float through my head.
I stood up, not waiting for my head and heart to talk. I left my room with its fire burning and walked across the hall. Without knocking I pushed open his door and closed it quickly behind me. He turned, startled, from where he sat on his bed reading. His eyes burned with question and I watched and felt as he probed through my mind looking for my reason for coming over so abruptly.
I pulled the book from his hands and tossed it on the chair. Before he could react I straddled his hips where he sat, laced my fingers into his hair and pressed my lips to his. His shock lasted only a moment before his senses caught up to him and he responded. Wrapping his arms around me he ran his hands along my spine, crushing me against him. The more we kissed the more I ached to be closer to him.
I broke the kiss long enough to tug my sweater off over my head and throw it to the ground. I began unbuttoning his shirt between kissing him and touching him. Finally he shoo’d my hands away and pulled it partially unbuttoned over his head. With his beautiful chest exposed to me I leaned down, nipping and kissing the delicate skin along his neck and collarbone. I pushed him back and lowered my head, nibbling at one of his small brown nipples. He sucked in a shaking breath.
His hands closed around my upper arms, forcing me back. Struggling he sat up. “Aliz… Kat, why are you doing this?” he asked softly.
“I need to feel connected to you.” I ran my hands over his chest.
“I brought down all my walls, we are connected,” he argued.
“I know, but I want more.” I dropped my hands and let them rest on my thighs. I lowered my eyes so he couldn’t see them. I know he could feel the pain and desire I held. “I need more. I need you.” The last words came out as a little more than a whisper.
Reaching up he cupped my face in his hands. “Don’t offer more than you can give,” he said in response. “I will wait as long as I need to.”
He could sense my hesitation. “Hue, I don’t want you to feel used. I’m not ready to commit to forever, but I am ready to commit to this moment.”
“But why this moment?”
I shook my head. “I felt so empty without you I thought my heart had stopped beating. I can’t explain it fully, but I need to feel complete with you.”
“Do you understand what you are saying?” He paused and even as I nodded he shook his head. “No you don’t. We have exchanged blood. If I claim you physically we will be nearly a bonded pair. The only thing missing will be our marking which is applied magically. If we mate at this point you will strengthen our mental connection. If you decide to be with anyone else I will not be able to block you out. I would have to endure you loving another. I can’t do that. It would kill me and possibly you.”
I paused where I sat and considered his words carefully. Pain wrenched through me and I couldn’t help but sob. He was feeling everything I was and rather than shoving me away he wrapped his arms around me, eased my head down to his shoulder and let me cry. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have but I need you.”
He stroked my hair. “That broken feeling you have inside you is what I experience everyday. It is your body and soul telling you that it longs to be bound and that you have found your other half. A Soul Mate will never be complete until they are bound. Most Soul Mates meet, connect and bind within days or weeks of meeting. We’ve known each other for months and for weeks now have been in close proximity to one another. You must resist it until you are ready.”
“Wait a minute, let me get this right. So even if I decide, or you do, that we are not meant to be, then this pain will always be there within us?”
“Not exactly; it will grow. You most likely hadn’t experienced it before because you were not fully awakened.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine.
“Then what is the point of resisting?” If we were in pain unless we were together then what was the point of postponing the inevitable?
“To give you the choice. I don’t want you to choose me because the fates say it’s so. I want you to choose me because you want to be with me.”
“Is this what has been like for you this entire time? This feeling?” I felt his hesitation. He didn’t want to lie to me but he didn’t want me to feel guilty.
“Since we shared the blood bond I have felt this pull.” He was filled with sorrow. “I’m sorry. I suspected you were my Soul Mate before the blood bond. I think I’ve known from the moment we met. I just didn’t think the bond would connect us this deeply. It wasn’t my intent when I initiated it.”
Then there it was. A set of emotions he had been hiding. Guilt and shame flooded him, causing him to shudder. I could see it all. He had suspected there was a weird connection between us the moment we saw each other in the cave that first time. Because I was so young by Dragon or Elf standards he thought it was because of our kinship, but the moment my blood touched his lips and vice versa, he had known it was more. He regretted finding me so young. He was ashamed he marked me so early in life. It made sense why he wanted to wait for me. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
He shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I realize you were raised Human, and so by those standards you are an adult, which I can plainly see. I want you to experience all life has to offer. Most Dragons wouldn’t awaken for another fifty to a hundred years. I was afraid if I claimed you before then the other Dragons wouldn’t respect you in a position of power. There were so many factors.”
I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Hue, look at me.” He raised his head slowly to meet my gaze. “I’m not afraid to say I love you. It killed me to say it to Ian, because while I feel love for him I’m not sure it was ever the type of love he had for me, so I always hesitated. With you it has always been out of respect and fear that I kept my feelings to myself. If we are meant to be, then why are we fighting it?”
A frown creased his brow. He started to say something and I pressed a finger to his lips. “I am skyping with my parents and brothers tomorrow. Let me introduce you to my family. My Human family whom I love with all my heart. If we are going to be this serious, you need to understand that they will be a part of your life too.”
I felt his mix of emotions. “You want me to meet your Human family?”
“Yes, my parents have always insisted that if I am thinking of becoming serious with anyone I would introduce them.”
“What about Ian?” he asked.
“What about Ian?” I paused, reading his question. “Ian and I are over, though I have a sneaky feeling that in Cariss’s mind we are just getting started. Be aware I may need to help Ian out with his own family.” Taking a deep breath I relaxed and tried to cling to the joy of what I was about to say and ignore the fear. “I never introduced Ian to my Human family. We were never that serious. The last man to meet my parents was my ex-husband. If I had listened to them I may not have married him. Then again, I wouldn’t be who I am today without that experience. The point is, the last guy I brought home, I married.”
He blinked a few times and a sly smile spread across his face. “Does this mean you’re accepting me?”
“It means impress my parents first, get along with my brothers and we’ll talk about it.”
Grabbing me tightly he kissed me deeply and passionately. I whined when he refused to take things further, but it felt nice to sleep in his arms.
