How To Keep Fighting In Writing & In Life
Why the music video, you ask? Well, because as I wrote this post, "The Walker" by Fitz And The Tantrums came on and it just fit everything so perfectly--my mood, the post, everything--so I decided to add it in. Listen while you read and dance along, because I AM RIGHT NOW. No I'm not. Yes I am. No. YES DON'T JUDGE ME.
For those of you who don't know (most of you probably DO know, however, since I won't shut up about it), my debut novel, "The Charismatics," is releasing on December 13, 2014. In precisely 21 days.
This will also be my 26th birthday, which--according to my sister and ex-boyfriend--means I'm "on the downward spiraling-end of my twenties" as well as that I'm "basically 30 at this point."
Awesome.
So aside from the fact that I'm frickin' terrified of releasing my first official "book" (I HAVE written a short story called "Cruel," which you can get for free by subscribing to my newsletter--it has 4.9 out of 5 stars on Amazon right now and I'm FLOORED),
I'm also facing the fact that I am getting older and finally know what I want to do with my life, but am unsure whether I'll be successful at it.
In fact--99.9% of everyone and their mother says I WON'T BE, at least not until I have a backlist of about 10 books, have 1,000 diehard fans, etc. Now those are some big numbers to look up at, and they can be discouraging. They are meant to be a reality check, I get that, but sometimes a reality check can become a kick in your figurative (or maybe your literal) face.
So how do you keep going?
How do you start dating again after a bad breakup, abuse, divorce?
How do you find another job when you've been fired from/quit your current one?
How do you go about pursuing your life dream of traveling the world/getting married with kids/painting a masterpiece/writing a book/changing the world?
Come. I'll tell you what my personal experiences and tips are--mold them and consider whether they can be applied to your own life.
1. Dream BIG. This might seem counter-intuitive to what I'm discussing, and you may be thinking "Ashley--if I dream BIG, then I have that much more of a risk of being DISAPPOINTED if it doesn't happen, and never fighting again."
You know what I say to that?
POPPYCOCK.
Yep, POPPYCOCK. I REALLY LOVE SAYING POPPYCOCK.
Anyway....
Let's take ME for example. I dream about things like being friends with Jennifer Lawrence.
About my book being made into a movie. ABOUT CHANGING THE WORLD, ONE ANIMAL AT A TIME. These dreams are huge. Insane. But they have changed my life, because a year ago, you want to know what else seemed impossibly huge?
WRITING AN ENTIRE BOOK. And I did it, to the best of my abilities. I gave it my all, poured my heart and soul into this novel for the last five months, eschewing a social life and proper hygiene and dating (tried it once and decided yeah...not doing that again for awhile) to birth this book into existence. And it's been the most exhausting, amazing, wonderful experience (probably like giving birth to a real baby), one that's made me so happy. But I still have those goals to reach. Those mountains to climb. And by DREAMING BIG, I can imagine also scaling those mountains and the exquisite bliss to be felt when I do, and I will FIGHT ON when the going gets tough.
The same goes for a relationship, job, family, traveling. LIFE. What do you see yourself doing? Accomplishing? Hold those thoughts in your mind and NEVER LET THEM GO.
2. Take reality in bite-sized chunks, and focus on the positives. I subscribe to The Book Designer's weekly blog updates, when they share awesome info that's been published on the web. Today were some great articles about marketing--one in particular, by www.writehacked.com. It was a comprehensive marketing plan for a book launch, and it made me realize something: HOLY SHIT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING FOR "THE CHARISMATICS" I'M GOING TO DIEEEEEEEE. Seriously. I yelled this. And my sister was worried. Just kidding. No I'm not.
What I'm getting at is this--instead of obsessing for hours about how I only have three weeks until my book release and how I haven't done everything this website recommends, I took a step back. I said "okay Ashley, calm down. Now would you rather have found this three weeks AFTER you launched 'The Charismatics?'" I put things into perspective.
I focused on the positives, which is that I have done a LOT of those things on the list, and that some just aren't feasible for me currently (I don't have $600 to pour into marketing at this time. I'm happy when I can afford groceries).
So my next tidbit of advice is this: when you are job searching, or boyfriend/girlfriend searching, and things are looking dire...take a little break. Give your heart and your mind some time to process the information. I guarantee that you will feel better prepared if you do this, because it also allows you the chance to look at things a certain way. You can ask yourself, "How do I want to take this rejection on Christian Mingle?" "How do I want to take this phone call from the job stating I wasn't right for the position?"
THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS COMES FROM MY NEXT POINT:
3. Find solace in your beliefs. I am a Christian, thus I believe in an Almighty God Who has a master plan. He has meaning for everything that happens in my life, and when things don't go the way I expect, I can rest on the fact that they are not meant to.
I also believe this principle can be applied to many belief systems--whether that be energy, happenstance, luck, divine destiny, other religious forums. If you have any belief system based in a power other than yourself affecting the potential outcomes for things, then you can rest in the peace that THINGS ARE HAPPENING THE WAY THEY ARE MEANT TO. You certainly have control regarding this, BUT when you feel that the load is too heavy, or that your relationship didn't work out, or that your book isn't selling enough copies (this is the hardest one for me to imagine), that's because it's not meant to. YET. There are still lessons to be learned, people to meet, jobs to apply for, experiences to strengthen you with.
4. And FINALLY. When you are discouraged, beaten down, depressed, disappointed (or even when you are not, and just want to boost your strength to keep fighting IN WRITING AND IN LIFE), then do this: REVEL IN THE SMALL THINGS.
I am here with my nephews and sister and brother-in-law in San Diego. And last night, we went to a park behind their house, and I unhooked my dogs from their leashes and I watched as they ran liked fiends across the bright green grass, as the laughter of neighborhood kids and my darling nephews filled the air, and the bright white sun was warm on my face as it dipped closer to the horizon. And I thought to myself: "This is Heaven. This is Heaven on Earth."
It was a small moment, out there on the lawn. But it filled my heart and my soul and it made me realize once again, it REMINDED me of why I am doing all of this. Why I wrote a novel, and why I dream of making it big--to be happy, and to bring happiness to others. Because THAT is what life is all about.
So please, if you felt inspired by this post, or you have thoughts to share, comment below and subscribe to my newsletter. Also, don't forget to add "The Charismatics" to your Goodreads TBR page and enter my print giveaway through it as well as my e-book giveaway!
It would make this girl's day, and I cannot wait to share more of my work with you.
And until then...keep writing and keep dreaming.
For those of you who don't know (most of you probably DO know, however, since I won't shut up about it), my debut novel, "The Charismatics," is releasing on December 13, 2014. In precisely 21 days.
This will also be my 26th birthday, which--according to my sister and ex-boyfriend--means I'm "on the downward spiraling-end of my twenties" as well as that I'm "basically 30 at this point."
Awesome.
So aside from the fact that I'm frickin' terrified of releasing my first official "book" (I HAVE written a short story called "Cruel," which you can get for free by subscribing to my newsletter--it has 4.9 out of 5 stars on Amazon right now and I'm FLOORED),
I'm also facing the fact that I am getting older and finally know what I want to do with my life, but am unsure whether I'll be successful at it.
In fact--99.9% of everyone and their mother says I WON'T BE, at least not until I have a backlist of about 10 books, have 1,000 diehard fans, etc. Now those are some big numbers to look up at, and they can be discouraging. They are meant to be a reality check, I get that, but sometimes a reality check can become a kick in your figurative (or maybe your literal) face.
So how do you keep going?
How do you start dating again after a bad breakup, abuse, divorce?
How do you find another job when you've been fired from/quit your current one?
How do you go about pursuing your life dream of traveling the world/getting married with kids/painting a masterpiece/writing a book/changing the world?
Come. I'll tell you what my personal experiences and tips are--mold them and consider whether they can be applied to your own life.
1. Dream BIG. This might seem counter-intuitive to what I'm discussing, and you may be thinking "Ashley--if I dream BIG, then I have that much more of a risk of being DISAPPOINTED if it doesn't happen, and never fighting again."
You know what I say to that?
POPPYCOCK.
Yep, POPPYCOCK. I REALLY LOVE SAYING POPPYCOCK.
Anyway....
Let's take ME for example. I dream about things like being friends with Jennifer Lawrence.
About my book being made into a movie. ABOUT CHANGING THE WORLD, ONE ANIMAL AT A TIME. These dreams are huge. Insane. But they have changed my life, because a year ago, you want to know what else seemed impossibly huge?
WRITING AN ENTIRE BOOK. And I did it, to the best of my abilities. I gave it my all, poured my heart and soul into this novel for the last five months, eschewing a social life and proper hygiene and dating (tried it once and decided yeah...not doing that again for awhile) to birth this book into existence. And it's been the most exhausting, amazing, wonderful experience (probably like giving birth to a real baby), one that's made me so happy. But I still have those goals to reach. Those mountains to climb. And by DREAMING BIG, I can imagine also scaling those mountains and the exquisite bliss to be felt when I do, and I will FIGHT ON when the going gets tough.
The same goes for a relationship, job, family, traveling. LIFE. What do you see yourself doing? Accomplishing? Hold those thoughts in your mind and NEVER LET THEM GO.
2. Take reality in bite-sized chunks, and focus on the positives. I subscribe to The Book Designer's weekly blog updates, when they share awesome info that's been published on the web. Today were some great articles about marketing--one in particular, by www.writehacked.com. It was a comprehensive marketing plan for a book launch, and it made me realize something: HOLY SHIT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING FOR "THE CHARISMATICS" I'M GOING TO DIEEEEEEEE. Seriously. I yelled this. And my sister was worried. Just kidding. No I'm not.
What I'm getting at is this--instead of obsessing for hours about how I only have three weeks until my book release and how I haven't done everything this website recommends, I took a step back. I said "okay Ashley, calm down. Now would you rather have found this three weeks AFTER you launched 'The Charismatics?'" I put things into perspective.
I focused on the positives, which is that I have done a LOT of those things on the list, and that some just aren't feasible for me currently (I don't have $600 to pour into marketing at this time. I'm happy when I can afford groceries).
So my next tidbit of advice is this: when you are job searching, or boyfriend/girlfriend searching, and things are looking dire...take a little break. Give your heart and your mind some time to process the information. I guarantee that you will feel better prepared if you do this, because it also allows you the chance to look at things a certain way. You can ask yourself, "How do I want to take this rejection on Christian Mingle?" "How do I want to take this phone call from the job stating I wasn't right for the position?"
THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS COMES FROM MY NEXT POINT:
3. Find solace in your beliefs. I am a Christian, thus I believe in an Almighty God Who has a master plan. He has meaning for everything that happens in my life, and when things don't go the way I expect, I can rest on the fact that they are not meant to.
I also believe this principle can be applied to many belief systems--whether that be energy, happenstance, luck, divine destiny, other religious forums. If you have any belief system based in a power other than yourself affecting the potential outcomes for things, then you can rest in the peace that THINGS ARE HAPPENING THE WAY THEY ARE MEANT TO. You certainly have control regarding this, BUT when you feel that the load is too heavy, or that your relationship didn't work out, or that your book isn't selling enough copies (this is the hardest one for me to imagine), that's because it's not meant to. YET. There are still lessons to be learned, people to meet, jobs to apply for, experiences to strengthen you with.
4. And FINALLY. When you are discouraged, beaten down, depressed, disappointed (or even when you are not, and just want to boost your strength to keep fighting IN WRITING AND IN LIFE), then do this: REVEL IN THE SMALL THINGS.
I am here with my nephews and sister and brother-in-law in San Diego. And last night, we went to a park behind their house, and I unhooked my dogs from their leashes and I watched as they ran liked fiends across the bright green grass, as the laughter of neighborhood kids and my darling nephews filled the air, and the bright white sun was warm on my face as it dipped closer to the horizon. And I thought to myself: "This is Heaven. This is Heaven on Earth."
It was a small moment, out there on the lawn. But it filled my heart and my soul and it made me realize once again, it REMINDED me of why I am doing all of this. Why I wrote a novel, and why I dream of making it big--to be happy, and to bring happiness to others. Because THAT is what life is all about.
So please, if you felt inspired by this post, or you have thoughts to share, comment below and subscribe to my newsletter. Also, don't forget to add "The Charismatics" to your Goodreads TBR page and enter my print giveaway through it as well as my e-book giveaway!
It would make this girl's day, and I cannot wait to share more of my work with you.
And until then...keep writing and keep dreaming.
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