Truth and Lies

Here's a blast from the past.

The All Saints debut album was released November 1997, and by 1998 nineteen year old me was listening to it on repeat in my Dublin city centre flat.

I'd been hooked by their covers of the Chilli Peppers 'Under the Bridge' (lame excuse, but it is what it is), and the sassy 'Lady Marmalade'... but it was 'Never Ever' that got played most often that year. The usual - Cheating Boyfriend, yada yada yada. Listening to the lyrics now, I can't help but remember all the times I've been put in that "black hole" when someone I cared for has lied to me, shook or broken my trust, and I found myself questioning everything. But most of all - was it me? Was it something I did?

Quite some time ago I swore to myself I'd live true. It's easy to lie. It's convenient, and it doesn't seem to cost anything - at the time. It's not easy to be honest, and honourable, and to constantly be the one (or even one among a few) to stand up and fight for what's right.

I also swore that I would have no time of forgiveness for those who lied to me. And one by one I've weeded them out of my life, quite mercilessly, over a span of years.

So, here I am now. I won't say a lie NEVER crosses my ears or my lips, because that would be a lie now, wouldn't it? We are human, and humans lie. Plus, I'm a mother of three, including two teenage girls. I'm not a fecking fool here like. But I do my best to keep weeding out dishonesty, and I'm as merciless with myself as I've ever been with another.

I love that my marriage, and my polyromantic relationships, are built on complete and total honesty. I've structured things around me in such a way that there's not just no room or forgiveness for lying, there's even actually no need for it. No affairs, no cheating necessary. When we see some infidel causing heartbreak on the telly, I can exchange a small, slightly smug smile with whichever loving and lovely partner/s I happen to be sharing that media.

Ok, I'll be completely totally honest... there have been occasional smug fist bumps too. Alright! I even do a happy poly dance sometimes. It's not pretty. It is honestly joyful though, and that's fine by me.

All this truth telling, the critical thinking, the active listening, the conscious parenting skills, and everything I bring to every relationship I choose to engage in - it takes time. It takes effort. If somebody heard the term 'poly' and it conjured up images of sexy orgies... No! We mostly talk about stuff! LOTS!!!

You know what though? It's so, so worth it.

To quote the lovely All Saints ladies - I aint crazy! If somebody lies to me, I can quite easily be sure I've done nothing wrong. And Never Ever will I be in that Black Hole again. Have you been lied to? Has it changed how you relate to people? Leave a Comment below, and Share this Post if you like it!