Hey Gail, I was hoping to get some advice. I'm in a guy in high school and whenever I try to ask this girl on a date, my tongue gets tied and I become nervous. How can I become more relaxed when doing this?

I will just say that I think it’s a myth that someone, a guy in particular, has to be this unassailable wall of confidence when they ask someone out. That does not appeal to everyone, I promise. Many people find a little nervous awkwardness attractive.

The other thing is…the person being asked? Odds are they feel a little awkward as well. And even really gorgeous people often feel very nervous in these situations, maybe way more than you think. 

I would have a simple plan ready to go, ask the girl if she would like to go do a specific thing, don’t leave it up to her to decide what to do for you because that is putting a lot of pressure on her on the spot. If she can’t or doesn’t want to to that thing, have a back-up. Being prepared is probably better than being overflowing with unnecessary bravado. 

Also remember, being turned down is not the worst thing in the world. If someone turns you down, it is entirely possible they are doing you a favor. They are saying they don’t feel it would work out, or they are otherwise engaged, or not at a place where they want to date, and it’s better to know that upfront, I always think. Being turned down is not the worst thing that could ever happen—the worst thing is not to try.

I am not an expert on this stuff at all. But that’s my feeling. Good luck!