Author #Interview - Julia Shayk – Life Without Sex

Book Description from Amazon:

If you are sick and tired of getting screwed by your partner, want to explore a life of living free of sex dependency as the basis of self-esteem, and need to know whether it is worth it or not, then this book is for you.
In the last decades of the 20th century, we began talking about sex more than ever before. Now we expect sex to hold our relationships together, boost our self-esteem, and dissolve our sadness. According to our mass media, everyone should have regular, passionate sex or be in the process of seeking it out, and our society assumes that if you are not doing that, there is something wrong with you.
There is not. Perhaps we cannot even imagine living without sex, as we base our sense of self on it and gain a lot of stress if we do not fit into this common notion, but this widespread assumption is why today celibacy and asexuality are increasingly compelling prospects. They let you open new dimensions of yourself and see things in a different light. Daring to make such a decision leads to a change in lifestyle and shifts our hierarchy of priorities and values. It can make us free from many traditional constraints. 

If you are struggling to make the agonizing decision of whether to get out of a troubled relationship or whether it is worth trying to save, this book can be an interesting adventure inside such issues as:
Reasons to marry 
Excessive marriage expectations 
Miscommunication in a relationship 
Self-actualization in marriage 
Sex-starved couples 
Verbal abuse 
Why women leave men 
Causes of divorce 
Single parenting 
Living without sex 
Future of sex
What inspired you to start writing, and when?
Several months ago I separated from my husband. I crashed down and became mess. To change that, I started to dig into my personal problems and found that millions of people ask the same questions about marriage, reconciliation, verbal abuse, love, separation and single parenting – different facets of a breakup. The system of rehabilitation that I created was hybrid and eclectic, because solutions came to my mind from news, books or observations about unrelated topics. It helped me to go through the first months of that hot period, so I decided to share how to survive the first year of the separation.
What is your preferred genre?
I love both: non-fiction and fiction, therefore I tend to mix the real life stories with “how to fix…”  approach in writing. As Marquez said once, I’m “living to tell the tale”. For leisure, I prefer to read realistic fiction, novels and short stories now. When I was younger I loved thrillers, horrors, mystery and sci-fi. I used to write horror and mystery stories as well, but now focus on practical guides based on everyday problems in relationships and parenting.
Tell us a little about your book.
It is the second part of a book, the middle one. It is a recollection of the reasons and consequences that turned an ordinary family into a dysfunctional unit, a very common situation. Perhaps we might even equal “dysfunctional” to “normal” families today, as they tend to be the majority. Each chapter refers to memories, biographical stories followed by analysis of the errors revealed. For each chapter the name and structure are binary, mixing fiction style with psychological, social or philosophical analysis of past occasions. Covering a period of five years the book is an encyclopedia of marriage errors written with the hope that the reader will recognize them and take the steps necessary to prevent or neutralize possible mistakes in his or her own life.
Do you have plans for a new book?
I guess, at least I have to write the beginning and the end of this one. They are about love and breakups. Three different stories.
Is there an Author that you would really like to meet?
Dan Chaon. His haunting style dazzles me. I even stop reading all the time because I do not want a story to end. He talks about dark secrets people have and feel so deep inside that they even do not want to confess to themselves that they have them.
Then, I like Haruki Murakami. You just dissolve into his fantasy world and get carried away.
And, of course, I’d love to meet James Altucher, the most famous blogger in the USA. His style, attitude and kindness are very authentic. He’s the real man.
Was there an Author that inspired your writing?
There are many: Kurt Vonnegut, Seth Godin, Slava S., Christopher Durang, Jumpa Lahiri, Mariam Petrosyan and others. The authors I listed precisely express their thoughts in quite short sentences, revealing their observations about the world and people. They are also excellent in characterization. That’s what I want to achieve.

Did you have an editor edit your books?
Yes, I’m not a native speaker, though I am fluent in English. I cannot go without good editors. In a way, I’m writing like Ayn Rand, not that smoothly and skillfully as it happens when you write in your language.
What books would you like to read again?
Classics. Some of them I read in school and had no understanding of what they were talking about. I realize now that they wanted to warn us about the consequences of certain choices in life, but I forgot many of these warnings. I did not read many of them as well.
What book are you currently reading and in what format (ebook/paperback/hardcover)?
I’m reading Mindset by Carol S. Dweck in paper. It’s a great one. It’s about how to deal with failures, treating them as a step (learning curve) toward success.
Do you have any advice for other writers starting out?
Write every day, even if you have no idea what to write about, just sit down to table and type/write whatever is on your mind. The idea will eventually come. I’m learning how to write myself, and this is crucial – to write every day, to analyze your past writing mistakes, repeat successful techniques and set up higher goals for the next piece.
And, of course, if you write about something you are really interested in and passionate about, the book will be genuine. It is appealing.
Tell us about someone or something that just made your day –
I just failed yet another job interview. It made me to re-think the strategies and priorities in my work life. In a weird way, it just made my day.
What are 3 things you never leave home without (apart from keys, money and phone)?
Lipstick, parfume and a smile.
What is a movie or TV show that you watched just recently and really enjoyed?
True Detective. It is an unbelievably good show, absolutely stunning performance, awesome cinematography and intelligent directing.

BOOK REVIEW

"I loved this book! It is a very entertaining and quirky look at the institution of marriage, written with humor and wisdom. Lots of useful and funny information about relationship, marriage and sex, including the latest statistics. More importantly, the personal story shared gives insight into how to maintain a healthy relationship with your own spirit.

In a way, it helps you understand you why we do what we do and how to fix a difficult situation. The author is insightful and though some parts are not covered in detail, overall, it is an interesting reading." Di Zhu, verified purchaser.




Where can your readers stalk you?
I’m so bad in social media, but I’ll respond to you, if you contact me through my website juliashayk.com.
Book links: http://amzn.to/1s4B1ed (free to download on 12-16 October, 2014).
Thank you so much for taking the time to do this interview and allowing us a glimpse into your writing world.  I hope you share this interview with your friends so we can all get to know you a little better. Patti Roberts.

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