You Asked: Friends are divorcing, and the wife wants to stay with us because the husband kicked her out. What should we do?

You are probably too young to remember the seminal TV show of my childhood, "Lost in Space," in which the robot was constantly shrieking, "Danger, Will Robinson!" to warn his human companion of looming threats. This is too bad. We all need a tinny warning voice in our heads at times like ...now.  

You are on the verge of being dragged into the middle of someone else's acrimonious battle. Before you respond to the wife's request, take a moment to decide if that's a good idea.

Think of your possible responses in terms of a flow chart: IF you like the wife, BUT not the husband, THEN you may want to offer her your spare bedroom.

But do so knowing your action will be interpreted as "taking sides." Prepare for the possibility of an estranged spouse standing at the foot of your driveway at 2 a.m., yelling up at darkened bedroom windows. Can you handle this?

IF NOT (maybe you like both spouses, or perhaps you socialize with them mainly because your children are the same ages?), THEN tell the wife and husband you are uncomfortable choosing sides and suggest the wife find somewhere else to sleep. Offer to help in neutral ways that will support both of them during a tense time; invite their children over for dinner and a sleepover, for instance.

In any case, when friends split up, the nature of your relationship with both will change permanently. This is inevitable. They will re-invent themselves—moving to a new house or apartment, dating new people, perhaps remarrying—while you stay the same. Somewhere along the way, they will look at you and see the past they left behind.

If you want to stay friends, it will have to be a pleasant reminder.

(image courtesy of Real Simple)