Multi-tasking Men, Myth or Reality?

It’s a matter of opinion, the true capabilities of men to multi-task. My husband once said to me, “You’re asking me to do a thousand things.” No, I was asking him to complete two tasks. Hardly a thousand.

Shortly after my first son was born, I went back to work. I held long hours and often had to work overnight for merchandising or inventory. Once, during an overnight at work, I had to leave my son with his dad. I believe he was around 6 months old at the time. When I got home in the morning, I darted to my son’s room. He was awake and cooing at the ceiling. I picked him up to find, no diaper. The diaper was so heavy and full of urine that it remained in the crib, like a concrete block.

My husband’s excuse was that the diaper wasn’t full yet, when our son fell asleep the night before. Oh yes, why change a less than full diaper, when you can leave it on, and the diaper will remove itself? Seemed logical… to a man.

The next great discovery occurred when I went to give my son a bottle. He choked and I noticed a lot of milk was pouring through the bottle’s nipple. After careful examination, I discovered that the nipple opening was cut and enlarged. The brilliant excuse for the gaping hole in the bottle was that my husband added our son’s cereal to the bottle, shook, and fed. I still cringe at the thought of our baby trying to suck the cereal through the bottle, before he enlarged the hole. Likely, the effort caused some sort of permanent damage or herniated his balls.

I can get my two sons fed, ready, geared up, and out the door in time for games on Saturday. I’m even capable of packing snacks and brewing fresh coffee for our to-go cups. Not to mention, organizing all the sporting equipment. The truly shocking fact is that, I can do all this in under an hour.

Meanwhile, my husband and sons are God knows where, doing God know what. They can barely get themselves in the car before I rupture an artery screaming like a wild banshee. Then, when we are finally on our way, they act exhausted, as though they’ve had a stressful morning.

Don’t get me wrong. They help. I can ask them to do anything and they will do it. But it must be one request at a time, task, by painfully slow, task. Sometimes it’s more taxing to call orders like I’m a waitress at The Waffle House, than to just do it all myself. And I don’t even get a waffle when it’s all over!

So I ask, are they only capable of hearing one thing at a time? Are they really unable to follow through with 3 or 4 things at once? Or are they just doing it to create an illusion of helplessness?

I often wonder.

In their defense (and you know I’m talking about all men, husbands, sons, brothers etc…because hell, at this point, let me just group them together), I do believe they have a way of simplifying tasks and making work less arduous. Skipping the diaper changing and poking holes in the bottle are proof of that fact.

The baby and husband survived. Though, it was unfortunately, early training that likely stuck. Like father, like son.