Twitter: A Bucket Under The Drip From My Leaky Brainpan

For a while, I had a capture of my twitter feed running here. It ended up doing something weird to my API calls, stopping me from running my desktop client, so I killed it. Which is probably just as well, as I talk a lot of shit on Twitter. It's basically mental slurry, the wet lumpy bits from a day spent at the keyboard vented off into a trap so the buildup doesn't blow some crucial valve in my head. Look at these, from the last few months:

* If I can just fit my head inside this pig's arse, my David Cameron halloween costume will be complete

* I've run out of Red Bull. MOVE TO COMS CHANNEL S ACTIVATE RESTON5

* busy gluing baby doll heads on to a lurex thong #halloweencostumes

* Damn. I'm gonna have to write another comic for Marvel now, just to try and out-crazy @BRIANMBENDIS 's MOON KNIGHT.

* Send warm bodies. I must leech their essence to survive this new ice age.

* Buying the RED graphic novel is scientifically proven to make you more attractive to any and all mammals. And some fish.

* Am carefully coughing on all the tables in the pub. Fuck these people, with their health and snot-free heads.

* I'd like to write a Kindle Single next year, I think.

* @cully_hamner Fuck you. Toronto made it snow inside my testicles and you got a bit warm in lovely New Orleans. SNOW INSIDE MY TESTICLES

* It is so cold, rainy and vile out here that it could still be summer.

* Ed Miliband made Labour Party leader. Britain sinks deeper into its sofa, heartbeat slowing with raw excitement.

* I could quite fancy being a Baron. There's a Baron Strange, you know. Suave.

* His full title is the Baron Strange of Knockin. Marginally less suave.

* Huh. I was nominated for a British Fantasy Award. This means I am one of the more fantasised-about people in Britain.

* Remember: if you ever watch an edition of X Factor, Satan gives Simon Cowell another ten years of life.

* Okay, who thought it was a good idea to have the Pope meet schoolboys on his Scottish visit? He has a white van, guys.

* I bet that with a just little biohacking, heroin could go from scary drug to low-carb superfood in no time

* Soaking brain in pool of whisky to see what blackened ideas float to the surface. No paddling.

* On September 11, 1940, George Stibitz operated the first computing machine ever used remotely over a phone line.

* I like to believe that he transmitted an ASCII image of a cat watching you wank.

* When my daughter is bad, I force her to watch "Jozin Z Bazin" as punishment. Am I infringing her human rights?

* I was hoping for a whole series of MACHETE films. MACHETE FOREVER. DRIVING MACHETE. ALL THAT MACHETE. CITIZEN MACHETE.

* Also THE FIRST MACHETE CLUB and THERE WILL BE MACHETE.

* Daughter snarkily amazed that I cooked a stirfry and didn't kill her. In retrospect, and for different reasons, so am I.

* Neil Gaiman told me to be merciful to the weak & fearful. A prize to the first reader to mercy-kill and skin one of them for me.

* my brain is awake but i think my body died. dragging self to pub using only prehensile frontal lobe. could take a while.