Take It Slow And Get Your Ex Back

Much of the resistance most people trying to get their ex back encounter, or the pulling away they experience from their ex comes from bad timing.



The most common timing mistakes are:



1. Pushing too hard, moving too quickly, and getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you.



2. Asking to get back together when your ex is not ready.



These two timing mistakes are sure ways to experience frustration, and bring the whole process to a pre-mature end. The faster you go, the greater the risk for failure.



In this article, I’ll talk about timing mistake No. 1 – getting  ahead of your ex’s feelings for you.



To make sure that you are not moving too ahead of your ex’s feelings for you, ask yourself, “Do my ex’s words and actions show that he/she feels for me the way I feel for him/her?”



If you find that you are ahead of your ex’s feelings for you, slow your pace, and take smaller steps.



Notice, I didn’t say, “give him/her his/her space”.



“Give him/her his/her space”, the way many people use it is really, “I can’t stop myself from acting needy and pushy, so I’ll go sit in my corner of the world. Hopefully, you’ll miss me and take me back”.



Because they lack the self-control needed to regulate contact, needy and pushy people employ the ALL (too much contact) or NOTHING (no contact) approach to connection. Most just end up with nothing.



If your ex has not come out straight and told you “I need my space/no contact”, or shown you in small ways that you are asking more of his her time and space than what he/she can give you (or wants to give you), it makes no sense giving him/her the “space” he/she has not asked for, and does not need or want. It especially makes no sense if your ex is making effort to communicate and you suddenly pull away thinking that you’re “giving him/her his/her space”. Chances of your ex misinterpreting you misguided move are very high.



If he/she still had strong feelings for you, your “giving your ex space” he/she does not need or want can be interpreted as you are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship. If there are lingering feelings of mistrust, your ex will see your pulling away as a mind game and either react with pulling away as well, or end the whole thing and move on.



If the answer to, “Do my ex’s words and actions show that he/she feels for me the way I feel for him/her?” is no, the best course of action is to take it slow.



Taking it slow means slowing the pace at which things are moving forward so that you can go further much faster. The key word here is “move”. If there is no movement because you are giving him/her ” space”, you are not taking it slow. You are foot-dragging, hesitating on taking necessary action and missing  opportunities to change things.



Taking it slow means that instead of rushing through the process, you take one small step, see it’s impact and then take the next small step. It means constantly asking yourself, “What can I say or do that might move my ex the smallest step towards where he/she needs to be able to make a decision to get back together?”



Last but not least, taking it slow means not rushing the other person to a decision (any decision) until he/she is ready to make one.



Taking it slow ensures that you are not getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you. It ensures that you are not putting an enormous amount of pressure on your ex.



By taking small steps, you are not only able to see the impact of your words and actions, it also allows you to course-correct before things reach the point of no return.