Illicit Use Of The Meringue Nest
Anyway, she said it was compatible, and – after all – who am I to argue? Even after that mistake with the meringue nests. However, I did point out to her that – at the time – UK legislation specifically outlawed the erotic use of meringue nests. This came about mainly because of the notorious and unforgettable great Cudworth meringue orgy of 1967. It was a national scandal at the time, which almost brought down the then government under Harold Wilson. A government already reeling from the tabloid revelations about the cabinet minister, the call girls and a corrupt undercover vice squad officer caught with an illicit lemon meringue near the Scottish border.
Historically, of course, mainly because of the legacy of the sporran, Scottish law – as distinct from British law – has always had a wider tolerance of meringue-based sexual deviance. Far more than the rest of the British Isles. Which is strange considering the much stricter Scottish religious heritage. However, there have always been rumours of meringue tolerance even in certain strict Calvinist sects. This is especially true in the remote Highlands – where the church regarded what a married couple got up to with their meringue nests as something not even worth denouncing from the pulpit. Which is unusual since they did tend to denounce everything else they could think of, and a fair few other things no-one else without a fascination with sin would even contemplate, not until after several drams anyway.
However, things have changed since signing up the European Human Rights convention. It has become increasingly clear that the English, and to a lesser extent the Welsh, outlawing of illicit sexual practises with the use of a meringue nest – is no longer compatible with European law. This is especially the case with the use of the meringue nest in an intimate situation between consenting adults.
For those with a love of meringue in a sexual situation, this has come as a great relief – in more ways than one. The recent ruling by the European Court has declared the ban on sexual meringue use between consenting adults in England and Wales as a breach of fundamental human rights.
Obviously, the Welsh practice of using a sheep – consenting or otherwise – as well as what many regard as inappropriate use of the leek in a meringue-based setting is still outlawed. This remains so, despite a last-minute appeal by the Ffestiniog Meringue and Leek Society. This society, including their paramilitary wing, have said that until that particular law is changed they will continue their campaign of leek and meringue-based terror. Only last week this resulted in the Army having to defuse a homemade meringue bomb in the border town of Hay on Wye.
Still, anyway, she still has that meringue in her hand and that look in her eye. So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and do my husbandly duty.
