If intercourse = a home run, then we need a few more bases

[image error]I've been put on notice.

Hubby says that I must stop behaving like a guy and learn to enjoy foreplay.

So from now on, he's timing me.  The other night, he set his watch and forced me to delay my gratification for twenty minutes so he could have some foreplay. He says he's increasing the time by ten minutes every night.  And by the way, I asked him to write this post, but he refused because he's a wuss.

*Oh and Steph (fangs, wands, fairy dust) it's not a matter of bottling my libido – it's that hubby is just that good, but I refuse to share.*

Where was I?  Oh yeah, this notion of bases…first base, second base and so on, is it still valid?  I mean, if first base is kissing, then what is French kissing?  First and a half base?  If second base is copping a feel, then what is, like, um, unbuttoning the shirt and sucking on the, um, nipples?  What base is that?  If third base is, well, you know, then which base is oral sex?  So, if a home run is intercourse, how many bases do we need to get there?  Hubby says you have to run around the bases at least twice before you hit a home run.  That's six bases. Maybe it should be eight bases.  Soliciting opinions here!

We had this really funny conversation about sex.

Him – "You're so impatient. You're like a guy. You just want your orgasm."

Me – "Yeah, but that's because it's so good."

Him – "But I want to play with you first. Five minutes and you're ready to do it."

Me – "How much time do you need?"

Him – "As much time as I can get."

Me – "Why?"

Him – "Because for a guy, once it's over, it's over. It's different for a woman."

Me (fist bump on the inside) – "Yes, I know, that's why I like it."

Him – "Look, you have a lot of parts I enjoy. You have to learn to let me enjoy them at my leisure."

Me (defensive) – "Well, you have parts too."

Him – "Not as many."

Me – "But you have the big part."

Him (laughing) – "Yes, I have the big part. I control the big part."

Me – "You're gonna make me wait to use the big part?!?"

Listen ladies, he's threatening to force me to spend an entire hour kissing him.  Can you imagine?  Oh cruel fate!

P.S. An addendum – my husband just read this post and came upstairs to say, "You know honey, you're kind of math challenged."

"Yeah? So what else is new?"

"Going around the bases twice is eight bases, not six.  Home plate counts as a base."

"Oh, I better add that onto the blog."

"I think most of your readers will figure it out."

P.P.S. Hubby just called upstairs – "You know, people may find this off-putting."

"You're the one who told me to write it!"

"No, I just suggested that you write it. I didn't know you were going to repeat our conversation."

"Oh for god's sake, I can't win for losing!"

***Disclaimer – Regardless of what I say or don't say on this blog, remember, my life is not perfect and it never will be.

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