I’m Not Broken! I’m More Than a Survivor, I’m a Lifer! by guest @aleishagore

Please welcome to the blog director and producer of Chocolate is Not Better than Sex and author Aleisha Gore as she shares her story. Aleisha has a powerful message that I hope will encourage and empower other survivors. 

A couple months before my thirteenth birthday, I was raped at a Monsters of Rock concert. I remember it was during Metallica, my favorite band. I was dressed in a white-tiger striped mini skirt and had bought a M.O.R T-shirt. I was with my brother. Some fans crashed the gate below us and a hundred people or more moved forward into the lawn area. My brother had some friends in front, so he left. I stayed where I was. I met a guy named Eric, that’s his name, I don’t see any reason to protect it or him. We chatted a bit and then he asked me to come sit with him in seats behind the stage where it wasn’t as loud. I didn’t know or didn’t think at the time, it was also where no one could hear us. I went with him and it was there that he forced himself on me while I called out, “I’m only twelve! Stop!”

He walked me to the bathroom where I saw my skirt was bloody and I told a girl in the bathroom that I had just been raped. She ignored me. I don’t know if she just didn’t care, was on something or didn’t hear me. But, I washed my skirt and tied my shirt around me. When I came out, he smiled and made it seem like it was such a great thing. He hugged me, kissed me and even took my shirt. I was so confused. Was this man who took my virginity and treated me like now I was his girlfriend thinking that I was ok with it all? I didn’t know what to do. I must have been in shock. I did everything he asked. I let him have my shirt and my phone number and I left to go find my brother.

When I found my brother I started shouting at him and throwing the discarded beer bottles at him. He didn’t know what had happened. I hid the words from him even though I did not hide the anger and pain.

The next morning, our babysitter found my bloody pantyhose in the trash and told my parents. I had to admit to them that I had been raped.

This was the first time, but not the last that I would be assaulted.

When I was seventeen, I babysat for a young couple. They were rockers and lived in Hollywood. When I arrived, I took their daughter into my arms and started playing with her on the floor. The husband walked out fresh from the shower in just a towel and sat on a chair spread eagle in direct eye-line from me. I averted my eyes.

When they returned from the party they had attended, the husband took me home but instead of dropping me off, drove me past my house and parked and wouldn’t let me out. Instead he opened his pants and took my hand and placed it on him. He told me he could teach me things and that he wasn’t happy in his marriage. I was utterly mortified and felt powerless, I froze. I refused to do anything with him. I took my hand away and after begging him to drive me to my home, I jumped out of the car. I thought about calling the wife and telling her, but I never called them again. The next day when I met up with my boyfriend, I told him what happened. He wanted to take a baseball bat to that guy. But, I wouldn’t let him do anything. He wanted to be a police officer when he got older and I wouldn’t let him hurt his chances to defend my honor.

Finally, when I was thirty years old, I auditioned for the part of vampiress in a vampire film.   The producer gave me an “eh, you could be sexier,” and asked me to come back for another audition.  I was naive to say the least, when I went alone and at night and it was only him at the apartment serving as his casting office.  I was fondled and humiliated.  He said if I couldn’t take this how was I to take it when an actor did it to me on camera.  There was some logic to it, I thought, but at the same time, shame and more humiliation.  I cried and called my friend as I drove home.  The next day this same producer asked me on a date.  Again, humiliation crept in.

You may be thinking that I sound like a victim. But in my 39 years (14,235 days) on this green earth, I’ve had three bad experiences like this but thousands more empowering experiences.

I stood up to gang-bangers in my Junior high school who threatened me and got them to stay away from me.
I joined a Tae Kwon Do Studio and excelled to Orange Belt (and I plan on taking that back up!)
I worked two jobs while maintaining an A-B average in High School and earned enough money, plus a scholarship to go to Germany on a student exchange program TWICE!
I visited France, Switzerland, Sweden, Denmark, Poland, Germany, Denmark and Norway all before I turned 18.
I fell in love, got married and although I almost died, I had a beautiful baby girl, a preemie at 31 weeks. She weighed 3 pounds 14 ounces. But not only did she and I survive, she grew very well and caught up!
I was, myself, a hard labor, I was breech, had the cord wrapped around my neck and when I was born, I weighed 9 ½ pounds and was very long.
When I was 13 I wrote over 300 pages of song lyrics and poetry
When I was in the 5th grade I wrote a children’s book and even drew all the pictures.
When I was 15, I wrote another children’s book and submitted it to an agent.
In Junior High, I received one of the highest awards from the State Department for an essay I wrote.
I was digging through my storage and I found a screenplay I wrote when I was just 13.
I went to India for three weeks, two I spent in the jungle!

These twelve experiences show I will not be put down. I will not be stomped on or brushed aside. I have value. I am worth something. I am powerful. I am loveable and can love.

There is so much more to tell, but I will end with this: I have written over 300 pages of poetry and lyrics, 2 novels, 4 screenplays (working on 5 & 6), several short stories and 17 shorts. I produced 47 episodes of an SNL spoof on YouTube called Saturday Night YouTube where I wrote, produced, acted and edited every Saturday for 6 months straight. I got my degree in film production. I have produced music videos, PSAs, Industrial videos, sketches, short films and live shows. I am currently working on my first feature film, a heart-warming romantic comedy called Chocolate is Not Better than Sex. It is live on my website right now. I intend to direct it in December, come hell or high-water, because I do believe in myself. I know I can do it.

I like to go back to the film Shakespeare in Love, where the theatres are all closed and the debt collectors are threatening to put the producers feet to the flames, the producer says, “Strangely enough, it all turns out well.”

“How?” asks the collector.

The producer responds, “I don’t know, it’s a mystery.”

What I do know is, it’s happening. No matter what, we’re doing it. I hope you will all join us as supporters on our website and share with everyone you know. Life is a funny thing, time is relative and if a cell can appear from nothing, so can we.

Much love and much success to you!

About Aleisha Gore:

Aleisha Gore is the director and producer of Chocolate is Not Better than Sex.

Join us for all the fun on our website! http://www.chocolateisnotbetterthansex.com

Music Videos I produced and directed http://espritfilms.com/musicvideos.html

PSAs I produced and directed for Help for Orphans, Int. http://espritfilms.com/psas.html

Short Films I worked on or wrote, produced and directed http://espritfilms.com/watch.html

My blog www.aleishag.blogspot.com

Teaser Trailer and movie site for Chocolate is Not Better than Sex www.chocolateisnotbetterthansex.com

More about me: www.aleishagore.com

My books: www.marneyandme.com and http://girlinahouse.com/adventure.html

 

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