TWENTY REASONS WHY I HATE CHUKAR HUNTING

[Author’s Note: Before any of you diehards get upset, this post is written all in good fun].

Chukars live in the most inhospitable no-man’s land you can imagine, where no other game bird with half a brain would live. To sum it up, their country is impossibly steep, rocky, slick, or all of the above.

Matt Lucia and Darby scale a rock face in search of chukars

Chukars are not gentlemen. I’m sure God made them wear black masks because he understood their devious tendencies. They rarely hold for points and usually run straight uphill and up cliff faces. And when they finally fly, they dive downhill presenting near impossible shots.
Have you ever wondered why a chukar’s favorite food is CHEAT grass . . . think about it folks. Coincidence? I think not!

Masked Bandits.

Chukar hunters are nuttier than the birds they pursue. They are usually skinny as a rail with one leg shorter than the other from walking steep hillsides. They sport unkempt hair, unshaved faces, and have a crazy look in their eyes from pursuing the little red-legged devil birds.
You ever see those trail runners that run straight up mountain trails at full speed in tennis shoes while you suck wind slowly trudging along thinking you want to smack that guy? Well trail runners are to hikers, what chukar hunters are to other upland bird hunters.
No bird exploits your weakness as a shooter better than the chukar. But, in our defense, who can shoot straight when you’re off balance, winded, pissed off, and at the point of tears when a covey of chukars flushes totally unexpected? Wait, did I say tears? Strike that!
You know you’re a terrible chukar hunter when you are hunting with other hunters and your dog abandons you for another skinny hunter who hikes like a mountain goat and because he knows you are the world’s suckiest chukar hunter (true story!).

Darby, the Wonder Lab.

The chukar’s call, chuk, chuck, chuk, chuk, sounds strangely like they are laughing at you from their perches high above. They are probably saying: “This moron has come back for more punishment!”
Never go chukar hunting with others when you are the only gunner and others come along for fun. You may just end up putting on a show of total ineptitude with an audience chuckling the whole time over your shoulder. I’m not saying this happened to me, but theoretically it could happen.
Chukar seasons are way too long in Idaho. The season does not close until January 31st and hunters who focus primarily on other birds (like me), usually venture out into the hellish winter cold to chase chukars only because everything else is closed and they don’t want their season to be over. Talk about an exercise of frustration. Stay home, my friends, stay home!

January Chukar Hunting.

If you have been hunting chukars for over ten years and you can count the birds bagged on two hands (or even worse, one), you probably should take up a different sport.
If you are lucky enough to shoot a chukar, you better hope that you kill it or that you have a good retriever because not only are chukars notorious runners, they are also burrowers like gophers. Many a bird hunter’s hopes have been shattered when he drops a chukar only to have it disappear without a trace.
If you chukar hunt, you have to use a P.O.S. gun because there will come a time when you fly head over heels while your gun stock clankety-clanks all over the rocks like a pinball machine.
January chukar hunters never know what to wear. One minute they are freezing and look like Ralphy’s little brother in “A Christmas Story” (“I can’t get up!”). Then as they hike uphill, they must shed layers because they are dripping with sweat.   Then the birds fly down to the bottom and the clothing cycle must be repeated ad nauseum.
Regardless of how good a chukar hunter’s boots are, chukar country will burn through boots like a Siberian death march.

Siberian Death March.

Chukar hunting makes one use those lame lines that losers say like, “It was just good to get out” and “I like to practice catch and release wing shooting” and “the birds are just the bonus.”
You know chukar hunting sucks when the highlight of your day was stopping at the Sinclair station for a hot chocolate and a Ding Dong.
It’s sad when a blogger has to use someone else’s chukar photos because he has none of his own to illustrate a blog post. Hmm, Hmm. . . I won’t mention any names.
Seriously, they should pass a law in Idaho making chukar hunting illegal unless you are a convicted criminal and you are sentenced to chukar hunt as punishment.
Only chukar hunting the day after Thanksgiving could fully supplant and replace the negative connotation of “Black Friday” . . . kill me now, Shawn . . . Kill me now!

Shawn, Karen and Ginny Girl on a banner chukar hunt in 2005.

Chukar hunters say that “You go chukar hunting for fun the first time, and every time after it’s for revenge.” But you know what I think? Chukars always get the last laugh. Sure, I’ll take any of you chukar hunting . . . Hehehe! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Signing off,

The World’s Worst Chukar Hunter.

P.S. Feel free to commiserate below.