"I’m scared that it’s always going to be you and we fucked it up and everything else we..."

“I’m scared that it’s always going to be you and we fucked it up and everything else we do is going to be some kind of haunted. I’m scared that I’ll find your ghost living everywhere. That 30 years from now I’ll be standing in the kitchen of my own home and the windows will be wide open. My husband will be sitting on the counter behind me talking about the financial report on the newspaper. The kids are somewhere upstairs. And my hands will tighten around the cup of tea that I’m holding and I’ll remember that your ears were always slightly too big for your head, that I nibbled on them, that you listened to music with your eyes closed, that you held me like I was something important, that it felt like forever even though both of us knew it wasn’t. And who can feel that kind of regret and not be crippled with it? Who can say, without a tremble, that we loved and that it was beautiful and full, and somehow that it still wasn’t enough?”

- Azra.T “on loving ghosts”