Reader Mode

As I conceptualize this post I know it’s going to sound like one long excuse about my lack of writing productivity. I know it and yet I can’t help but write it. Even if it’s just for my own sake.

I wrote something during my goal checkup a few weeks ago that I want to explain: I am a reader before I am a writer. Does this mean that I am not dedicated to the craft? No. Does this mean that I’m going to stop trying to write as a profession? No. Does this mean that writing about writing is a waste of time for me? No. Does this mean that I am going to devote less time to writing? No.

What the heck does it mean then?

Well, self, that is a loaded question! Over the course of 2014, I have written more fiction than I have in years. I have come up with more story ideas than I ever have before. I have met and connected with more dedicated writers than I ever have. And I have read less than I have in a decade.

On Goodreads, you can challenge yourself to read x number of books in a year. When this feature was first launched in 2011 I challenged myself to read 100 books because I thought I could. I didn’t hit my goal that year and, because I’m weird, I’ve challenged myself to read 100 books every year since. And I will continue to do so until I hit it!

In 2011, I read 94 books. In 2012, 72. In 2013, 70. To date for 2014, I’ve read 30. It’s a stupid way to feel but I am both embarrassed and appalled. I consider myself to be well read and I identify as a booknerd who reads a lot. Having read only 30 books in ten months is not ok with me.

Adults weren’t kidding when they told me that reading for pleasure while having a (mostly) full-time job was a challenge. Still, I did all of the above reading while having a full course load in university as well as full-time summer jobs between semesters. So what’s my problem?!?

Writing. Writing is the answer, not necessarily the problem. It used to be that when I had a day off or free time, I would sit down and read. Now, that time is devoted to writing stories or blog posts. Which only leaves my meagre evening time for reading.

Why does any of this matter though? Again, loaded question, especially if you weigh the writing positives again the reading negatives.

Reading fulfills something intrinsically necessary for me. Bottom line: I am not happy if I am not able to read on a regular basis. A core part of me needs the escapism reading provides me. I learn so much from reading –about the world, people, and the craft of writing– and I get to leave behind my sometimes dragging reality.

If I don’t read every day I get moody, plain and simple. But I don’t have the same problem if I don’t write on a regular basis. Yes, I feel guilty when I hear about how much writing other people have gotten done and all the new projects they’re tackling around their other commitments. I feel somewhat like a failure for my inability to balance it all. And I legitimately love getting to know my characters and crafting stories. Nothing gives me an adrenaline rush like a brand new story idea.

In one of her first posts, Jessica said that if you’re dedicated you can balance everything you need to do in a day. She was talking about how important reading is for writers. I agreed wholeheartedly with her even while I furrowed my brow because I haven’t been getting any writing done lately because I’ve gone back to reading. And other reasons.

I can’t deny that I must make time for everything in my life. Kate has called herself a binger in the past, and I realize I have that tendency, too. If there’s something I want to do or am interested in, I binge on it until my interest wanes or my energy peters out.

At this stage of my life I need reading just a little bit more than I need writing, I think that’s what this is all boiling down to.

I make time schedules for myself in an attempt to be more accountable but I don’t outline tasks. Rather, I make large blocks that I label “productive time.” I may have a to-do list on any given day but that too is obviously not working like I want it to. It’s so easy to push things like “write that short story” to the point that it’s no longer feasible to do that day, or the next, or the next –you get the picture.

Then of course you have to factor everything you don’t plan for that sucks away time -plans, illness, etc.

Uncontrollable factors aside, it’s time to attack my scheduling and time management because I really can do it all without burning myself out. Other people are capable so I know it can be done. I wrote about writer mindfulness two weeks ago and I truly took that to heart. My time is going to be divvied up into routines that I am determined to stick to. Period.

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