Things That Make You Go Hmm….
Honey. I could say that is all because, let’s face it, he is my personal reason for doing the old *head scratch*, pulling off the *head banging on desk* and my major *headache* maker all wrapped up in one fantastically complicated male ego that never quits. But then if I left it at that, you guys wouldn’t get to hear this conversation that ensued, would you? 
To set this up, I was working last night on other stuff besides writing, and Honey was watching another documentary. Big shocker there. You see? I want shake my head at that. *sigh* So, I go out to the family room to ask him a question and I’m nearly blinded. The freaking guy has so many lights on my eyes began to water.
“Holy moly! What’s with all the brightness?”
He doesn’t even look at me. *Imagine me looking right at you as I mouth the words “Wow that documentary must be enthralling”* When he says, “The light illuminates your beauty.”
*Insert me blinking at you until I turn back slowly to look at him* I was going to ask, but then, why mess with his perfectly good rebuttal, you know? So, I simply backed away before he ruined it.
Fast forward an hour later when I catch him preparing to take the pooch out for a walk without me. We always go together.
“Hey, why didn’t you come and get me? I want to go.”
“I thought I’d give you a break tonight, but if you want to come, beautiful, I’ll wait.”
Okay, you have to imagine me at this point thinking, “Has he been fooling around on me and his guilt is killing him so much he has to worship me now?”
There’s me lying in bed staring at the shadows flickering on our ceiling. I hear a noise. “What was that?” I whisper.
“An owl.”
“Oh.”
A few minutes later I hear another noise. “What was that?”
“A possum,” he murmurs.
Made sense. “Oh.”
Less than a minute later I frown. “Does that sound like water running?” The idea becomes an instant obsession and I can actually envision one of the hoses outside spewing water until a whole river will be pooling in our backyard overnight, costing us a fortune. “It sounds like the hose was left on, doesn’t it?”
“No.”
He seemed so sure. It wasn’t fair now that I was totally stressing over it. I turned to him and pushed down the duvet so I could see his face. “Something’s flowing. I can hear it.”
He did the big sigh and came up on elbow, leaning over me until I was pressed back into my pillow, when he said, “What you’re hearing is my love overflowing for you.”
Yeah, hm. You can bet what was I hearing was crickets and what I was thinking? *cups hands around mouth and speaks in a really annoying monotone announcer’s voice* I hereby invoke the power of the…
Snow globe moment. Seriously? Honey doesn’t EVER talk like this unless… I give him the side-eye and ask, “What kind of documentary were you watching?”
“One about relationships.”
My eyes narrow. “You don’t say.”
“Pretty insightful shit. Wish I’d watched it when we were dating it would have saved me a lot of aggravation.”
Oh, really. “How so?”
“Well.” He fell back down on his pillow with a grin. “There’s this theory in relationships called the deflation factor.”
Oh yeah, I had to hear this. I got up on elbow and waited with bated breath.
“It’s when you deflate a possible sticky situation with your significant other with kind words.”
*Insert me looking right at you again here* because if you’ve been following along there wasn’t a sticky situation, was there? “Erm,” I focus back on him again, “what was sticky about our situation?”
“Be damned if I know. I never do, so what did I have to lose?”
What indeed. There’s me lying back down contemplating what I could help him lose…a left nut, came to mind, but I digress. After I stewed for a few more minutes I whispered, “I still hear water running.” It wasn’t until he got up with a few choice curse words and exited our bedroom to check out the hoses in our backyard, that I added in the tiniest voice imaginable so he’d never hear me, “Oh, wait, never mind. It’s only the pool filter.” Hehehe! Poor Honey. But come on! What did he have to lose? *imagine a light bulb clicking on over my head as I beam* Well, for one thing, he lost the opportunity to snuggle in for a good night’s sleep, didn’t he? 
But it wasn’t until he came back to bed all huffy and I purred, “You are so wonderful for going to check on that for me. You’re my hero. Now I can sleep.” And he gave me one of those hugs that said “Anytime babe” that I realized, *insert me staring at you with owl-eyes here* the deflation factor actually worked! Maybe not on women, but definitely on men. Wow…See? I want to shake my head again.
Riley
