Gentile or genteel?

Nowadays, most polite people try not to offend entire groups—genders, races, or religions. Those who do so on purpose are considered boorish and unenlightened, right?

But sometimes the well-intentioned are also clueless about these two words. It’s easy to offend without meaning to, and that’s what we want to prevent here.

Here’s the scoop:

Gentile (pronounced JEN-tyle) means non-Jewish.

genteel (pronounced jen-TEEL) means polite, well-mannered, or refined.

See the problem? You try to say something nice about a person’s manners but instead you imply a religious connection that’s not there, excluding an entire group of people. This is what the British call a sticky wicket.

You’ve no doubt seen those tiresome postcard-type quotes in decorative fonts that people post on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Twitter because they can’t think of anything original to say. They are calculated to elicit such comments as, “Hilarious!” or “So true!” One shows a vintage drawing of an 1890s woman with this text:

“All spring and summer she was a gentile Southern lady. Then football season started…”

So what’s wrong with that? Let me count the ways. Gentile, when used correctly, is capitalized and its very definition is exclusionary. The hilarious postcard quote literally says the lady was not Jewish. The word they should have used here is genteel. Even in the south, religion has nothing to do with one’s manners or enthusiasm for football. Picture a Jewish woman in a Florida State jersey asking, “So what am I—chopped liver?”

Jews are not likely to mix up these two words, so I’m probably preaching to Gentiles here. If you are one, repeat after me:

Gentile is capitalized.
Genteel is not (unless it’s the first word in a sentence like this one).
Gentiles (non-Jews) can be genteel, but they can also be boorish and rude.
Genteel (polite, refined) people can be either Jewish or non-Jewish. That includes pretty much everyone.

Got it?

Mazel Tov!

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