Revealing plot twists: TO HELL WITH SUSPENSE!

Photo by Sarah Hoey

You are welcome to pull out that rusty ax from behind your shed, because what I'm about to tell you will certainly scratch that itch in your psyche, that nagging wish to hack me to pieces and watch me bleed and die. Because. Oh, my glorious hamsters! Because I will blasphemise (is that even a word?) your previous beliefs in stretching out the suspense for as long as possible, salivating over your keyboard in feverish anticipation of hooking your reader on the mystery of...