Three’s a Crowd in Marriage
Marriage is an exclusive club meant to be a two-person arrangement, leaving out all other parties. This is why wedding vows often include the phrase, “forsaking all others.” Boundaries in marriage are meant to create a safe place for one’s soul; third parties can become disruptive to this safety.
The problem is that love between spouses can often get segmented into other places. This problem, called “triangulation,” is one of the great enemies of good marriages. Triangulation occurs when one spouse brings in a third party for an unhealthy reason. A “triangle” is created when, for example, a wife (Person A) goes to a friend (Person C) for something that she should go to her husband (Person B) for. Or in a family setting, a sibling (Person A) calls you (Person C) to talk about “Mom’s problem,” without first talking to Mom (Person B). Here are some examples of triangulation that occur in marriage:
• A wife talks to her best friend about her unhappiness with her husband, but doesn’t let him know her feelings.
• A husband confides to his secretary that his wife doesn’t understand him.
• One spouse makes their child a confidant, becoming closer to the child than to her mate.
• A husband is more invested in his parents than in his wife.
In all these examples, a spouse is taking a part of his heart away from his mate and bringing it to an outside source. This is not only painful, but also unjust. It works against what God intended to develop in marriage—the mysterious unity that brings the couple closer to each other in ever-deepening ways. Triangulation betrays trust and fractures the union.
How do you prevent triangulation from affecting your marriage? Read the answer in the helpful article, “How Outside Parties Can Disrupt Relationships.”
More Must-Read Material: For a library of over 15 helpful articles on various boundaries topics, check out the Free Resources section of this website.
The post Three’s a Crowd in Marriage appeared first on Boundaries Books.
