Double Standards, or My Friend Joshua

I have a friend, Joshua.  He is good-looking, burgeoning on his late 20s, and generally a fun person to be around.  So its no wonder we enjoy hanging out with him.  Really, to my girlfriends and me, he is not only a friend, but something of a pet.  A mascot.  A puppy.

Or, maybe a wombat.

Nah, let's stick with puppy.

And given his puppy-like nature, it stands to reason that he would be amenable to female company.  In fact, he is something of a serial monogamist.  He had not been without a steady girlfriend since college.  The relationship with his last girlfriend, whom he was with for 3 years and co-habitating, ended about 6 months ago.  It was at this time that my friends and I intervened.

"Don't become serious with anyone for a little while," we said.  "Learn to be self-sufficient."

"In fact, sow some wild oats.  Don't start dating someone until you've slept with at least 5 other people."

A dictum to which Joshua has adhered with aplomb.

BUT – Joshua and I were discussing this earlier, and he said something that struck me:

"Dude." (because he's the type of guy who says dude and can get away with it.)  "You would never have given that advice to a girl."

And I was puzzled.  I would give the same advice to a girl… wouldn't I?  I'd like to think so, but the fact of the matter is I would have phrased it more delicately, something like, "Maybe you should try dating casually."  And so, by the time said hypothetical friend told me she was hooking up with the third random guy, I would likely be affronted.  If this was a romance novel, we would expect the heroine to be in love by the second guy, at the very latest.  But as we all know, real life isn't like romance novels.

I did a very quick poll (of my office mates) and after thinking about it for a minute, every one said they would recommend wild-oat-sowing for a woman, but not a defined number, and certainly not one as high as five.  Everyone acknowledged that this double standard existed, but none of us could figure out why.  Why is it ok for a guy to sow his oats with five or more women, but a woman only to sow with less?  Why is The Situation a stud and Angelina a ho? (I didn't call her that.  The Situation did.  In an episode.  Oh my god, did I just call this guy 'The Situation"?  Twice?)

So, since this double standard remains unresolved, I have decided to do away with it.  All hypothetical female friends who have recently come out of long-term relationships?  Get your groove thang on.  All romance novel heroines in similar situations?  I will totally read your story.  In fact, I may just find it a refreshing change.

And as for Joshua?

Well, he'll be fine.

Until next week, happy reading everybody!