Job Posting: Wanted, Author.
The successful 'Author' job candidate will be display the following attributes in order to be considered for this position:
* must be sociopathic
* must be schizophrenic
* must be highly organized (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a plus)
* must be frenetic (Attention Deficit Disorder also a plus)
* must be absolutely determined, self-starter who laughs at impossible odds
* must 'live for' negative feedback and equally assimilate it into their daily workflow as a 'net positive'
If you display all of the above attributes and wish to apply for 'Author' position, then do not contact us immediately for interview. Instead, spend the next several years of your life toiling away and researching the industry. If you're very lucky, as in 1-in-10,000 lucky, we'll find you and offer you an interview. In the meantime, spend a great deal of time honing the skills specified about and even more time living vicariously through the characters you create...oh, and also try really hard to get your thoughts on paper in a way that anybody else might understand. Good luck!
Seems dramatic, but seriously - this is what a job posting for an 'author' would probably look like if it was posted in the classified section....at least it's what the one I would be responding to would end up saying, haha.
But seriously - an author has to really be all these things....because you have to have an incredibly deviant and brilliant train of thought to come up with the twists and turns in your story, you must be an aggressive researcher to fact check everything, you have to be insanely organized to manage all your query letters, social media activity and editing deadlines and you have to be schizophrenic in your willingness to submit to living vicariously through the lives of people you have invented....basically, in the last couple years, I've discovered that I'm a glutton for punishment.
But, hey - beats sitting in a cubicle and making 'real' money and having nice things and a nice apartment and....er, wait, does it?
I think I'll just wrap it up here....are you happy with your life? If not, I'm pretty sure the world is still 'hiring' Authors ;-P
* must be sociopathic
* must be schizophrenic
* must be highly organized (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a plus)
* must be frenetic (Attention Deficit Disorder also a plus)
* must be absolutely determined, self-starter who laughs at impossible odds
* must 'live for' negative feedback and equally assimilate it into their daily workflow as a 'net positive'
If you display all of the above attributes and wish to apply for 'Author' position, then do not contact us immediately for interview. Instead, spend the next several years of your life toiling away and researching the industry. If you're very lucky, as in 1-in-10,000 lucky, we'll find you and offer you an interview. In the meantime, spend a great deal of time honing the skills specified about and even more time living vicariously through the characters you create...oh, and also try really hard to get your thoughts on paper in a way that anybody else might understand. Good luck!
Seems dramatic, but seriously - this is what a job posting for an 'author' would probably look like if it was posted in the classified section....at least it's what the one I would be responding to would end up saying, haha.
But seriously - an author has to really be all these things....because you have to have an incredibly deviant and brilliant train of thought to come up with the twists and turns in your story, you must be an aggressive researcher to fact check everything, you have to be insanely organized to manage all your query letters, social media activity and editing deadlines and you have to be schizophrenic in your willingness to submit to living vicariously through the lives of people you have invented....basically, in the last couple years, I've discovered that I'm a glutton for punishment.
But, hey - beats sitting in a cubicle and making 'real' money and having nice things and a nice apartment and....er, wait, does it?
I think I'll just wrap it up here....are you happy with your life? If not, I'm pretty sure the world is still 'hiring' Authors ;-P
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