Musing of a beginning and struggling writer

For most of my life I’ve been writing on and off. I’d write for a few months then not for a while then pick it back up. But since March of 2013 I’ve wrote almost every day. This is the longest period of my life. I’m proud of that. But I’m also ashamed that I haven’t improved as much as I’d like. Sure I’m better. It’s night and day. Yet it’s not to the standard I’d like. I continue to improve which is a good thing.

I’m also torn. As a writer with lots of different story ideas. I want to get them all out. I’ve started so many different projects over the last year and a half. I was focused mostly on Aiden, which Derek and I released back in July. But we’ve worked on shorts in that world, five short stories and a novella/novelette that takes place during Aiden. The follow up to Aiden, Mason, has a first draft complete, I even started to next book after that one. I’ve also started a two different fantasy novels and a short story (and we just came up with another story that I want to sit down and write but forcing myself not to). Recently I started a thriller novel as well. I’ve been having focus issues. I keep going back and forth between them all. I want to write them all. And none of that even mentions the Superhero stuff that Derek and I have worked on. The first novella for that is close, so close that a year ago we’d ask beta readers to have a look at it. But we don’t have the time to open it up to them. With trying to get the Cretun world out. I’d love to get it out. It’s so close.

I’m torn between sending work out for others to read to get it to the reader as soon as possible and making it perfect. Waiting until we are both better writers. It’s a struggle to decide when it’s ready, when we are ready. I go back and forth on this on a weekly if not daily basis. It troubles me because each time I go through my work it excites me. I get lost in the story, the world we created. I’m sure that you the reader would as well.

This brings me to another reason that I’m reluctant to send stuff out. Aiden hasn’t sold much, we didn’t expect much. It’s worse than we even thought (and that is saying something). Since it hasn’t sold much at all, we don’t have the money to publish. To give the reader the best possible story we need to send our book to our editor, Laurie, and that cost money. That is something I lack. I’ve been unemployed for a long time (I’m in debt so deep I’m not sure I’ll ever get out). Derek moved out and his budget has changed to the point he can’t afford another monthly payment. This is the saddest part for me. I’m not sure when we’ll get the longer stuff out to you the reader because of this. We’re working on the shorts. But other than that I don’t have a clue when we’ll be able to get the rest to you even if it is close.