Smart Belt Buckles, Wi-Fi Lapel Pins and Personal Holographs
Hmmm, are there any R&D wizards out there looking for ideas for truly useful 21st century applications of technology?
I read an article today that suggested the following marvels are not far away. And since Canadians are reported to be among the heaviest Internet users on the planet, they well may debut in our country.
Internet-enabled cars that can pay for gas at the pump
Shopping for food on online grocery stores via an internet-enabled refrigerator
Paying for in-store purchases with a wireless watch or bracelet device
Internet-enabled eye glasses
Retinal scanners to pay for items in a store
A chip implanted in a finger to tap in order to complete an in-store purchase
None of these technology marvels have much appeal to me. My debit card works just fine and I am rebellious enough to still carry actual money in my wallet. My credit card takes care of larger, unexpected purposes and still seems preferable to a laser scanning my precious retinas.
But I do have a few ideas for creative uses of technology that would make life easier. These are things that I would actually part with my hard-earned money to possess.
A brain implant that detects when you have reached multi-tasking overload and erects a magnetic force field around you. Anyone who attempts to pass through it is fried and reduced to particulate matter.
A scent-sensitive, smart belt buckle that alerts you to a deodorant-challenged person approaching so you can take evasive action.
A microchip in the engine of your car that diagnoses a major mechanical problem two weeks ahead and automatically posts a “Car for Sale” ad on Kijiji or Craig’s List.
A Wi-Fi lapel pin that picks up tiny disturbances in the force signaling that someone in the vicinity is about to pop their cork and go postal.
An e-mail spam filter that tracks back to the source of the spam message, locks out all the programs on their computer and burns a photo of water buffalo copulating into their monitor.
And finally, a holographic stunt double for those picture-perfect summer days when going to work is the absolute last thing on earth you want to do. In my case, of course, the hologram would need to be metaphor-enabled.
If anyone out there thinks one or more of these are worth pursuing, remember that you got the idea here. I expect a handsome royalty in perpetuity. I am also open to an upfront, lump sum payment. Half a million feels like a nice round figure. You know where to reach me.
~ Michael Robert Dyet is the author of “Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel” – double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .
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