Reflections of a Writer…

 

This week I have tried hard to reflect on what it means to me to be a writer, and it has been difficult. For a start, I don’t think that writing and families automatically go to together. Not in my house anyway.

There are times when I have absolutely no chance at all of picking up a pen and actually writing with it. Something always seems to happen, or go wrong, or need fixing, or finding.

Yes, I know there should be some ground rules, but somehow they don’t get enforced around here. So I try and write whenever I can and it isn’t always easy or convenient.

Just sometimes though, it is magical. I can forget who I am, where I am and all the things I could be doing instead.

I can feel in my bones that it will all get better, that the struggle will be worth it, because I can feel myself falling in love with what I am doing and beginning to believe I may just be creating something good, something infinitely readable!

Quite apart from this revelation, it has been an interesting week. Weather can’t make up its mind (that makes two of us!) But I have been enjoying the editing of Nine Lives, so not a complete waste of a week.

We are taking care of Lulu, a very old cat at the moment, 21 years old and extremely frail. She was scheduled to be put to sleep until Anita offered to take her. But having seen her and how miserable she is (not sure how much of this misery is due to how she is, or where she has ended up) it might have been a kindness.

I know all about living on borrowed time. Since my heart attacks three years ago, I often wonder how much longer I have and some days when it all becomes too much, I wish it could end. All completely wrong, I know, but now I am old, I can appreciate why some old people look as though they are only marking time. You can have enough, you know, of struggling with the pain and discomfort of a failing body. Of knowing it cannot get much better than it is now.

That’s what I see when I look at Lulu, I know she is suffering, but how much is too much?

Quite apart from my thoughts on the matter, Lulu seems to have her own agenda. I did think when she arrived that it might all be too much for her, but she is getting stronger every day and her determination puts mine to shame.

So, who knows, we might both be around for a long time yet. Just think how much more writing I can do…

See you soon…

Jaye