POETRY: MENTAL TISSUES BY PAUL TRISTRAM

“Mr. Ackings the inventor of ‘Mental Tissues’

spoke publicly for the first time today

to Bill Slimegate of the national newspaper

‘The Daily Reflection’ about his thoughts

on his product literally taking over the porn world,

the sex industry, being championed everywhere

as the single males best friend and of course winning

the notorious ‘XXX Golden Dick Award’

at the 15th Annual Adult Entertainment Awards

in the beautiful Las Vegas on the 2nd of last month.

Bill Slimegate managed to corner Mr. Ackings

inside an old school quaint red phone box

in the South Kensington area at 11:04 this morning.

This is what the man of genius had to say for himself

“I threw that bloody penis award in the rubbish bin.

Why would I want something like that, Jesus Christ?

This is a nightmare; it’s all been a big mistake,

they are supposed to be used to help prevent suicides.

A Good Spirit came to the foot of my bed every night

for three months to teach me how to weave them

from magic, wishes, butterfly echoes and daydreams.

They are meant to comfort lonely, depressed folk

not aid the perverted section of the populace out there.

Now get your bloody brogue away from the door

or I’m dialling 999 and calling the Queen’s Coppers

Written by Paul Tristram