31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #27 – Problems With In-Laws

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#27 Problems with In-Laws

I’ll have to admit that I have very little personal experience with in-law problems. My husband’s mom and dad were wonderful parents and equally wonderful in-laws. My husband grew up in the ideal home environment – lots of love, laughter, acceptance and most importantly, a household that honored and followed Jesus. Do you remember “Leave It To Beaver?” Or “Ozzie and Harriet?” Well, that was the kind of household in which my husband grew up. For that reason, I never have thought mother-in-law jokes were funny. The main in-law problems I had seemed to be trying to live up to their example.

One of the stresses in the in-law situation, particularly the husband’s mother, is that she may feel she is being replaced, and is not loved or needed anymore. It is up to her son (your husband) to reassure her that she is just as loved and appreciated as ever. Her role has simply shifted. Daughters seem to be better at conveying that reassurance to their parents than men most of the time, so help your husband out here and encourage him to do so.

My favorite philosopher, Dr. Phil, urges his clients to own the responsibility for their respective parents. And I think this is a good rule-of-thumb. A husband should not allow his mother or father to disparage or criticize his spouse, and should speak up if they do. (Tweet this!) A wife should not allow her parents to run her husband down, and should confront the issue if they should do so. (Tweet this!)

Problems with in-laws can become very complicated, but as with all relationships, the bottom line is to love and accept them, in spite of faults and shortcomings. Many times hurt feelings or insensitive comments simply need to be overlooked, and grace extended to the offending party. Many times there are customs or traditions among family that might seem silly or even stupid to the new in-law. It’s best to be gracious and accept the idiosyncrasy or strange custom as long as it doesn’t offend your convictions. (Tweet this!) Be careful that it’s not just your touchy feelings. It can be anything from a meal tradition to the way a holiday is celebrated. One thing I’m thinking of is the fact that I found out quickly in my husband’s family nobody read the newspaper until my father-in-law had read it. I made that mistake only once! It embarrassed me, and I think I probably teared up when chastised for messing up Dr. Parsons’ newspaper, but I honored it, because it was important to him. It was something that was just understood in their family.

Sometimes relationships can become toxic, in which case do not hesitate to consult a professional … your pastor or a counselor. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship with your in-laws, take the road of humility. And let your mate handle his/her parents. (Tweet this!) Calling upon the Holy Spirit to energize you, love and honor them the best you can. “Honor thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord God giveth thee” (Exodus 20:12).

Questions for my Readers

Have you struggled in your own marriage with in-law issues?
What other Godly advice have you heard that has helped you navigate these difficult relational waters?
How have the issues with in-laws that you’ve dealt with helped to mature you as an individual?

 

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