Do You Know How to Forgive the Small Stuff?
Is it the Big Stuff? What seems to be the Unforgiveable?
The woman who chooses to forgive the drunk driver who killed her son who was in the car he hit head on?
The man who can still remember the beatings his father gave him when he was just a little boy, who is now taking care of that same man with tenderness never shown to him?
The newlywed who is madly in love with her new husband but struggles with being intimate because she still has nightmares about the sexual abuse she experienced at the hand of a close “family friend” when she was a pre-teen?
The wife who has a choice to make: does she forgive her husband who has just told her he cheated on her – or does she tell him to leave?
Those things certainly fall in the category of the “Big Stuff” we think about when we think about forgiveness. Those things are HARD. Those things are HUGE. Life-changing. Life-shattering. We see how needed forgiveness is in that person’s life to move on, to move past, to experience better days than before. We also imagine how tough and painful that can be to do.
We don’t always feel the same way about the Little Stuff.
What do we hear others say, and sometimes even say ourselves…?
“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
“Don’t worry about the little things.”
“Just let it go.”
“Just get over it.”
“Don’t make a big deal out of nothing.”
Small Stuff Still Hurts
Here’s what I’ve learned about Small Stuff, though. Small Stuff does hurt. And Small Stuff gets bigger when we don’t deal with it. Because how you learn to handle the Small Stuff is what helps prepare you for the Big Stuff – the Big Hurts – the hurts you don’t always see coming.
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Small Stuff does hurt. And Small Stuff gets bigger when we don’t deal with it.
Tweet ThisI remember when our son was little and one Saturday morning, he came to us with a splinter in his finger. Being 5 or 6 years old, he didn’t really know the name for it, but he knew one thing – his finger hurt!
As we peered down intently at his hand, squinting to see the tiny little black shard sticking out of his finger tip, we flipped on one light and then another, straining to see what we knew must be there but couldn’t really make out. But it was obvious to Caleb that something was there. And he didn’t like it.
He didn’t like it any better, though, when we had him lay down on our bed and one of us grabbed the tweezers.
That’s when the screaming started. Blood-curdling, at the top of his lungs, hollerin’ that didn’t quit!
If you’d just gone by the noise he was making, you would have thought someone was MURDERING him – not sitting at his side with a pair of tweezers 3 inches from his finger and looking at him wondering if his finger would or wouldn’t fall off if we just left the splinter in there (since we couldn’t get him to sit still long enough for us to get closer!).
I still, eight years later, have no idea what our neighbors must have thought – since we discovered afterwards that ALL of our windows in our bedroom were OPEN.
Awesome.
Absolutely awesome.
Still not sure why Child Protective Services didn’t show up at our door. Maybe our neighbors had also attempted splinter removal on their kids.
Eventually, somehow, by some miracle of God, after tag-teaming like wrestlers in a cage fight, one of us got that stupid splinter out. And as suddenly as our son’s screaming had started, it stopped.
In mid-scream, his mouth still wide open, the sound stopped as soon as the pain did.
I still can see his instant reaction once that splinter was no longer poking him. With tears still lingering in the corners of his eyes, he popped up from that bed with the biggest smile on his face, said “Thanks, Mom!” and hugged me as he ran out the door to go play with his toys. He was free. He was pain-free.
Small Stuff hurts. Don’t try talking yourself into believing that it doesn’t. Those hurtful slights from co-workers. A friend’s obvious lies. Gossip that you’re the center of. A text message accusing you of something you didn’t do. Facebook photos of a party you weren’t invited to… but apparently everyone else was.
3 Ways to Forgive Or Move Past the Small Stuff
So how do we forgive the small stuff? How do we let go of those painful shards when they’re not always easy to see, but they get under our skin anyway?
Give more than you get.
The small slights aren’t nearly as noticeable when we’re focused on doing more for others than whether others are doing more for us.
Focus on your strengths.
Small stuff hurts the most when we think of ourselves the least. Our confidence wanes. Our insecurities grow. Our armor starts to crack. Little flaming insult-carrying arrows have a greater chance of hitting where it’s soft. Be secure in Christ. Recognize the gifts and talents He’s given you. Recognize the blessings you already have.
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Small stuff hurts the most when we think of ourselves the least.Tweet This
Offer the benefit of the doubt.
Have you noticed how easy it is to jump to conclusions? Someone ignores us and we think they must hate us. But sometimes what we perceive as a direct attack may be nothing more than someone else distracted. So offer more grace and less grumbling. Smile more than you frown.
And whatever you do… try to avoid those splinters.
Live near Gulfport, MS? I’ll be at the LifeWay Christian Store in Gulfport, Saturday, Oct. 4 from 1 to 3 to sign copies of my new book, How Can I Possibly Forgive? I’d love to see you! Click here for more information.
