Silly definitions A-M

I don't quite know where the last seven weeks disappeared to, seem to have lost my blogging mojo for a bit there.

Anyway ... I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the very silly definitions from my friend Troy Simpson's book, The Funny Dictionary . These definitions have come from student essays, which Troy heroically trawled through. I did these few illustrations for the book.

A la carte: When you can have all the desserts that's on the trolley

Ampersand: A special kind of sand used in electricityAve Domine: 'Lord, I am a bird.' [my favourite]

Barber: The opposite of heiress

Botulism: A close study of plants

Caterer: Someone who minds your cat

Circular Argument: Presiding at a board meeting

Coup de Grâce: A lawn mower

Cynic: Someone who refuses to believe in fairy tales

Decimal: A fraction with a point

Democracy: Government by demons

Diabolic: Having diabetes

Banter: a small roosterDogma: The mother of puppies

Dolt: Grown-up person

Emu: The name of the noise made by a cat

Equestrian: One who asks questions

Etymologist: A man who catches butterflies and stuffs them

Fetish: People who enjoy going to fetes

Fiction: Those books that are fixed on the shelves and are not to be moved; non-fiction are not fixed and may be moved at will

Filet Mignon: An opera by Puccini

Giraffe: The highest form of life

Grammar: An important part of languish

Grizzly: A bear that grizzles all day

H2O: H I J K L M N O (this is actually the basis of a famous cryptic clue, too!)

Hooligan: A polygon with seven sides

Argonaut: A man who goes up in a spaceshipHimalayas: Very lofty and steep mountains, and about five times the length of Earlsfield Road

Ignorant: Not knowing what to say when your teacher asks you something silly

Import: A port very far inland

Indigo: Like vertigo, only deep blue

Jigsaws: What people in Japan ride in

Ladies: The plural possessive of gentlemen

Lent: A dull time that we deliberately make even duller

Lunatic: From luna meaning moon, and attic, meaning top story

Macaroons: A type of sprgety [sic!]

Mangoes: Wherever woman goes

Microbe: A robe that mics wear

Milky Way: The way you feed infants

Misery: Someone who travels to remote places to convert savages into Christians

Monotony: Having only one wife or husband

Mother-in-law: Part of marriage that cannot be escaped, like the bride

Multitude: What you get when you multiply

....

I'll post Part 2 soon!