Interceding

‘It’s for you.’

Albert opened one eye. ‘I was just….’ He waved a hand as if to convey some lofty thought process. ‘I was just thinking.’

‘Yes, I thought you were.’ His wife smiled. ‘I could hear the snores.’ She folded her arms. ‘Anyway, it’s for you.’

‘Who is it?’ Albert said. But she’d already walked away and he didn’t want to shout. He remembered what happened last time he’d tried shouting at his wife who was absolutely certain she wasn’t going deaf, no matter what he said… or more often, these days, shouted.

Albert got to his feet and made his way to the communicator.

‘Oh, it’s you.’ He spoke without much enthusiasm when he saw who wanted to speak to him.

‘Lord.’ The elaborately dressed man bowed obsequiously. There was just a hint in the elaborate gestures to suggest that he thought himself too grand for such displays, but only did them because his interlocutor expected them.

‘So, God-Botherer General Spiggings…. What can I do for you today?’ Albert settled in his throne of God and switched the communicator to manifest so Spiggings could see him. Albert had decided that manifesting himself to the mortals was so much better than all the other alternatives, especially after that misunderstanding with the burning bush.

‘Lord, I beg you to smite your enemies. The blasphemers are at it again.’

Albert sighed. ‘Oh, them… what are they doing now?’

‘They are taking your name in vain, oh, Lord. You must smite them… now!’

‘Must I?’

‘Oh, yes. It is written.’ The God-Botherer General thumped the holy book next to him with his fist, raising a cloud of dust. ‘It is your Holy Law!’

‘Oh.’ Albert sighed. He had the feeling it was going to be yet another of those days.