Emotional Intensity and Relationships: Sometimes intense is too intense.
First, I want to thank Jamie for letting me hang out on her blog today as she hosts a leg of my blog tour.
For this post, I wanted to talk about emotional intensity as it applies to relationships – especially love-relationships.
Love relationships are intense by definition. However, the normal emotional intensity present in gifted individuals can take this to a whole new level – causing anyone to redefine what intense may actually mean.
To start, let's look at a working definition of intensity.
The following poem by Pearl Buck sums it up beautifully:
The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him...
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
– Pearl Buck
Now, thinking back to emotional intensity and relationships, is it any wonder why a love relationship with an intense person can be so challenging? Even more so if both parties are intense.
Gifted people – both adults and teens – see the world as a series of extremes. The natural ebb and flow of relationships can often be perceived as life altering – a matter of life and death. Maybe even literally.
I always think of Romeo and Juliet when I think of INTENSE relationships. Sure, they were in the throes of first teen love – but even keeping that in mind, their relationship was INTENSE. It burned hot and extinguished too soon.
This is the danger in intense relationships – the intensity itself can cause the relationship to burn-out long before a deeper sense of things can be developed between the partners.
So, the message here – pace yourself. Gifted adults can learn to manage the intensity enough to balance things and not allow the relationship to burnout. But it takes practice. And understanding.
For more information on emotional intensity, check out my newly released book, EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS , the resource for parents and educators working with gifted kids.
Thanks for letting me come by Jamie and talk about emotional intensity in relationships. If anyone has any questions, I'd be happy to come on by and answer them in the comments.
Order Emotional Intensity in Gifted Children on Amazon or get the digital version for your ereader here. Sample the first chapter here .
Thanks so much for that wonderful post, Christine! And I think the warning to pace yourself applies to everyone in relationships, really. Great reminder for us all...
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