Assorted Thoughts: Tomb Raider, Sir Apropos, & more

Originally published July 20, 2001, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1444

Assorted stuff…

Indiana Jones was conceived because his creators said, “Let’s create a character who is evocative of the types of heroes that we thrilled to in those old movie serials.” And it worked.

Lara Croft, to the best of my knowledge, was conceived because someone said, “Let’s do Indiana Jones with big hooters and make a fortune.” And it worked. But creatively it was a copy of a copy.

Which is why the film, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, plays the same way. Everything seems to be copied from other films, and as a result everything seems vague, undefined, or just plain reminiscent. But not pleasant reminiscent; more like “ho hum” reminiscent.

Raiders of the Lost Ark had a slam bang opening action sequence with its hero trying to obtain a relic? So does Tomb Raider… except where Lost Ark’s sequence featured genuine jeopardy, set up the main villain, and established Indy’s fear of snakes, Tomb Raider’s opening is a big fakeout with no real plot consequences.

Raiders hadbad guys seeking some major archeological artifact which our hero is racing to obtain? So does Tomb Raider… except in the former, the bad guys were knowable (Hitler and his Nazis) and the goal understandable: Hitler wants to use the powerful energies of the ark—whatever those may be—to mow down his enemies and rule the world. In Tomb Raider, the bad guys are unknowable (the Illuminati) and the goal vague: they want to obtain a gadget that will allow them to control time. And do… what with it? Shout “Duck!” to Abe Lincoln or JFK? Derail research on the atomic bomb? Pull Jesus off the cross? Save the dinosaurs? No clue. Lara’s direct opponent offers her some options that he can provide her if he gets his own hands on it, but he didn’t want the thing just so he could make Lara Croft happy. Near as we can tell, he wants it so he can “be God.” That’s nice. Then what? I dunno.

Indy had issues with his father? Lara has issues with hers, except the only reason it has any emotional resonance is the real life split between star Angelina Jolie and her actor father, Jon Voight, who appears as Lara’s dad.

Also, Indy has more flexibility. He can go looking for stuff pretty much anywhere. With Lara, the major goal has to be a tomb. Otherwise you can’t call it Tomb Raider.

A copy of a copy. That’s ultimately all the film is, and in the end it leaves you pretty much feeling as if—despite the fact that the entirety of reality supposedly hung in the balance—that nothing much was at stake. Me, I took pleasure in watching Red Dwarf’s Chris Barrie as her butler, and marveling at Jolie’s physical stamina (she reportedly went home bleeding every night from injuries sustained during an extended bungee jumping sequence. I can believe it.)

Me, I keep wanting to see a take-off with Jessica Rabbit or even Betty Boop in the Lara role, and call it Toon Raider.

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Attention DVD fans: Kathleen brought home Blackadder: The Complete Collector’s Set, and it absolutely lives up to its name. In addition to the four entire series, it also contains Blackadder Back & Forth, Blackadder: The Cavalier Years, Blackadder’s Christmas Carol (which, frankly, I would recommend you watch first, since it gives you a great overview of the series and is what got me hooked on it), plus a “Who’s Who,” a Guide to Historical Figures and Events, an interview with series creator Richard Curtis, and a sing-along. It’s pricey but definitely worth it.

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I hear Charlton Heston will have a cameo—as an ape—in the Tim Burton Planet of the Apes film. In my humble opinion, it will be a waste of an opportunity if Heston does not say one or both of the following lines: “They’ll get my gun when they pry it out of my cold, dead paws,” or “Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty human!”

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I don’t often use this column to push projects of mine, but I’m excited about this, so I thought I’d share it with you. The June 18 issue of Publishers Weekly carried a very positive review for my new novel, Sir Apropos of Nothing. The thing I was most pleased to learn was that the reviewer had never heard of me, or read anything that I’d written, so she wasn’t predisposed to like it. She came into it cold and simply loved the book. Here’s the review:

Sir Apropos of Nothing *(starred review)

An antihero for the 21st Century, Apropos springs from his mother’s womb with a full set of teeth, ready to bite anyone who gets in the way of his survival in this fast, fun, heroic fantasy satire. Serious issues are bound to concern a child born of a gang rape conducted by knights who wouldn’t know the Holy Grail even if it was filled with mead and emptied over their heads. David, author of more than 40 novels, primarily Star Trek or Babylon 5 related, knows how to spin a story, entertaining the reader with pathos, bathos, mythos, and psychos. When Apropos sets off to rescue a bratty, Hecate-worshipping princess named Entipy, he’s an angry young man lame of leg and spirit. As a reluctant hero he must endure a wicked phoenix, the Outer Lawless Regions, and the Screaming Gorge of Eternal madness, not to mention the annoyingly brave Tacit, who claims to have been raised by unicorns. In the course of his quest he also discovers his father and learns how to turn lemons into high-octane lemonade. At times repugnant, at others delightful, but never boring, Sir Apropos wants to “break out of the little box that I had been placed in, first by society, then by the knights and now by destiny itself.” Of course he blows the box into smithereens, as does David, who appears to be planning still more adventures (and hopefully, misadventures) for his cranky knight.

So go buy copies and read it. If you hurry out to Borders right now, I’m told that they will actually sell you a copy at the cover price. And if you buy two, you can get the second one for the same price as the first one. What a deal!

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705).